Randomness at Random # 22 Wacky Wax

I've decided the Chuck as the main character's name was wwwaaayyy to long to type. It was such a long name that I have to replace it with another. Meet Carl, Caz for short. Why Caz? 'Cause it sounds cool. CAZ CAZ CAZ CAZ CAZ CAZ CAZ. Say that seven times fast. No really. Say it. Do it. Do it! DO it! DO IT! YOU BETTER DO IT! DO IT FOR PICKLES SAKE OR I WILL SHOVE A PINEAPPLE THAT'S INSIDE A PORCUPINE DOWN YOUR THROAT AND OUT YOUR EARS, THEN TAKE YOUR EARDRUMS AND STRETCH THEM INTO A REAL DRUM AND BEAT YOU WITH IT UNTIL YOU LOOSE CONSCIOUSNESS OR SHOVE YOUR FACE IN A DUMPSTER!!! Oh, sorry. Got a little carried away there. Seriously. No seriously. SERIOUSLY! IF YOU DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY I WILL GET A RAKE AND CLAW ALL OF YOUR SKIN OFF AND THEN POKE YOU WITH THUMB TACKS OVER EVERY SQUARE INCH OF YOUR BODY- Sorry, got carried away again. What was I talking about? No, I really forgot. REALLY! Okay, I'm done.

Randomness at Random # 22 Wacky Wax

Caz, or Carlington as he was know at the Formal Dining Club of Fancy Snobs, owned a wax shop. Caz and his wax shop were the talk of Waxicon Valley. (That's like Silicon Valley in California, but with wax and in Pennsylvania.) Caz was on a game show a week before and had won one million dollars. The game show was called, Easy To Win, but that's another story. Really, it is, or will be in, Randomness at Random # 23, anyway, he bought a life-time supply of wax, ear wax.

And when you need an ear cleaner, use WaxAway ear cleaners. They incorporate spinning saw blades for deep down clean. WaxAway. Sorry, had to have an infomercial, that's what pays for this blog. Anyway, Carl used this earwax to make sculptures. Magnificent, disgusting, sculptures.

He changed his wax shop into a showroom for his "art" as I guess is what you would call it. He sculpted people, naked and clothed, happy and sad, tall and short, stupid and smart all out of ear wax. He sculpted animals and plants, unclothed (as most animals and plants are), happy and sad, pretty and ugly, rare and common, all out of ear wax. He sculpted objects, unclothed (as most objects except for barbies are, though most of the times barbies have their cloths off too), happy and sad, big and small, useful and not, all out of ear wax. He mad zero money off of his sculptures, but he didn't care, this was his passion: sculpting unsightly things out of unsightly material. He changed his showroom to a gallery, and his gallery to a museum, and his museum to a monument for his great ear wax sculpting "talent" as I guess you would call it. Carl grew famous, but not rich, from his putridly modeled sculptures. Carl was "happy" as I guess you would call it (more like insane) until a particularly hot day in July when his sculptures melted. A stream of smelly, discolored, dirty, and slimy ear wax flowed through his front doors and down the street drain. Gone. All the sewer rats left the sewer due to the terrifyingly gruesome stench left by the ear wax river. Carl ran out of money just about a week later and became homeless. He now makes miniature wax sculptures weekly with the findings of the contents of his ears.

Poorly (Written) Poetry # 4 Plime of Mime, Crime, and Lime

Plime was a mime,
He could not chime,
He would mime,
How to climb.

Plime has done crime,
He had done the time,
'Cause he didn't have the dime,
So he lived in the grime,
Of crime.

Plime liked to rhyme,
While he baked his lime,
But it always turned into slime,
When he baked his lime,
But they divime.

(The last word is divine, but to ryme it is now to be addressed as divime.)

Poorly (Written) Poetry # 3 Kyle of Style, Hostile, and Tile

I am Kyle,
I like style,
I go the extra mile,
And take the extra while,
To be in style.

People have had to dial,
9-1-1 for my hostile,
behavior,
An I've been put on trial,
In which I am in denial,
of my hostile,
behavior.

It is worth your while,
To me for your tile,
I have a big file,
On my tile,
I wear a smile,
As I make a pile,
I am quite versatile,
I use a vial,
To poor the grout,
For yout tile.

Poorly (Written) Poetry # 2 Animal Ocupations

There was a eagle,
Though he was illegal,
He learned to juggle,
At an angle.

There was a seagull,
He would haggle,
In a jungle,
But he would always bungle.

There was a beagle,
He was regal,
He would dangle,
From a shingle.

There was a man,
His name is Kris Kringle,
His sleigh made a catchy jingle,
He liked to giggle,
He wasn't single.

60th Post!!!

I have just reached my 60th post after pulling a ten-post-in-one-day-er. I was now post more regularly with Randomness at Random and Poorly (Written) Poetry! Go 60th post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poorly (Written) Poetry # 1 Skip Low

If you skip too high,
you'll hit the sky,
and you will die,
and I will cry,
as I lie,
you in the rye,
and I say goodbye,
to my special guy.

Poorly (Written) Poetry Series Premier

Welcome to the red carpet opening of Poorly (Written) Poetry! I will be your tour guide and sushi chef for this evening. This series will include terribly worded, horrifically spelled, disgusting topics, and epically failed attempts to make some phrases be remotely interesting. Be prepared for being unprepared.

The Getobird's Address

The recent corolation between The Balaclava Blog thing and NASA have interacted with my interest. In fact, they have had several formal dinners with my interest and are great car pool buddies with it, so, I would like to get on this train of creative collaboration, but before we get even deeper into the Skippy Chronicles, what are we going to do about Zach? Shall the Balaclava dude replace him? I await your strange replies.

Totally uncincerly,

Federal Cheif of Non-Alchoholic Beverages,
Washington, United States of Amsterdam

Dane Fisher

Dane Fisher

The Skippy Chronicles Season 4 # 0 The Best Prologue Ever

I have no idea what that thing with Fidel Castro that Henry wrote about was about, so I am going to ignore it until he explains. Enclosed in this envelope is the Skippy related side of the prologue. If you are reading this when it is not in an envelope you will be arrested, I mean, mailed a copy of the prologue that is in an envelope. (Not really, you'll be arrested for envelope biast)

Skippy burst around the corner. Five guards, he thought, that's seven guards too many. I can't take them, but, if I can separate them maybe I can. Skippy ran faster along the tunnel. He dived into a side room as the guards ran past. He lunged for the last guard in line. It toppled around the corner and screamed, too far out of view to see what Skippy was doing to him. The guard stopped screaming with a little rasp and whimper as all was quiet. The other four guards would be after Skippy in a moment, he had to escape and stop Fidel Castro from rising to power. We all know how much Fidley (as I like to call him) likes peanut butter sandwiches and Skippy's name was the same as a major peanut butter producer's was. Is that just a coincidence. Well, obviously this had to do something with Skippy, so he wanted some answers, so he needed to escape in order to find them. The guards appeared and...blank.
Dane woke up from his dream. What's happening to Skippy?

STAY TUNED FOR A PREVIEW OF NEXT POST'S EPISODE:

THE SKIPPY CHRONICLES SEASON 5 # 1 THE BEST BEGINNING EVER

Randomness at Random # 21 Food Phobia

Chuck was, as always, undergoing another test run of a drug pill. It was called FoodAwayAZEMICAL. Chuck had little money, and when I say a little I mean dirt poor, not even dirt poor, more like no-dirt poor, so he was undergoing a month of FoodAwayAZEMICAL to see if he got the weight loss results that he wanted. Nothing is easy for Chuck. After about 168 straight hours (a solid week) of unpleasant bathroom involved complications. The toilet seat actually molded into the contures of Chuck's rump. So after that horrific and dirty week, Chuck started to have a fear of food. Phoodaphobia is what it is called. All types of food, even fruits and vegetables grew mouths, puppy dog like eyes, and a nose and started to convince Chuck about why he shouldn't eat them. Here's a typical day for Chuck:

Breakfast-

Chuck: I'm hungry, I think I'll have some cereal.
Cereal: No, dude, don't eat me! I have a Cheerio and three Fruit Loops, I've gotta provide for them, man.
Chuck: Okay, how about an orange?
Orange: I'm not organic.
Chuck: Guess I'll wait until lunch.

Lunch-

Chuck: Time for an "I skipped breakfast" type of power lunch. I want a sandwich.
Sandwich: No way, Chuck, you ate Ham yesterday and beloved Turkey on Tuesday, lets not put me, Bologna, on the list. It's unhealthy to have the same meal thrice in row.
Chuck: Okay, I'll have macaroni.
Macaroni: No, I am only a starch and dairy, remember the food pyramid, you need a serving of everything. Try T.V. Dinner.
T.V. Dinner: I have high fructose corn syrup.
Chuck: I'll wait for Dinner.

Dinner-

All foods: DON'T EAT US!!!
Chuck: I'm gunna puke.

So, every night when Chuck didn't have any food all day and got nauseous and puked from lack of chow he wrenched, but nothing came out. He didn't have any food to throw up. Now, even Water was trying to convince him to switch to Milk and then Milk would shout at Water for being a jerk.
Chuck decided to hit himself in the head with a hammer until he snorted the FoodAwayAZEMICAL pills out his nose. It worked without major injury, and when I mean major, I mean death, so Chuck was about brain dead when they recalled the pills for serious side effects. Chuck was happy he got his hundred dollars for trying the pills, they would pay for another prescription he was testing for money called DeadInAFewSecondsFERZINAD.

Spanish Post

Hola amigos! Es el espanol libro! Yo hablo en espanol para el libro. Me llamo Dane. Es libro estupido. Adios!

HOLY COW! THIS TITLE IS MENT TO BE SOOOO EXCITING THAT I WISH I COULD MAKE THE FONT SIZE TO BE 1 MILE PER LETTER!!! I AM POSTING AGAIN AMIGOS!

THIS DAY YOU WILL WANT TO MARK IN HISTORY IS THE DAY THAT FAMED WRITER "ME" RETURNS TO WRITING HIS BLOG!!! YOU BETTER SHAKE MY HAND NOW BEFORE I GET TOO FAMOUS!!!