Hiccup Cure

Hello! This is the almost garunted hiccup cure! If you go to the website below and click "skip my ramblings and disclaimer" you will find the 30 second hiccup cure! I have hiccups often and this works! It may take a little curage, but it works! and add on to his instructions- breath deeply after "squeak." Good Luck!

http://www.cognitial.com/hiccups.asp#cure

30 Posts

I'm board beond measure, and this blog has reached 30 posts! So, I will be writing some sort of story today.

There once was a story that was so sad someone decided not to write it. THE END

Randomnness at Random! #13 Bad Luck Karma

Well, sinse this is Randomness at Random post # 13, I'll get stupertious on you. I mean superstious.

Hue was walking to the pet store to buy a fish to stick down his worst enemy's pants, when a black cat walked by. Imedeatly, a chicken coop fell off a nearby roof and crushed Hue under 100 pounds of hen, poop, and eggs. He crawled out, and since the rotton luck had put him in a bad mood, he decided to get a tarantula for the pants instead. He was at the local dinner, Aunt Shela's, who hadn't been inspected for health code in twenty years, when he spilled the salt. A cottage cheese truck then crashed into the side of the building and spewed its contents all over Hue and the other customers. By this time Hue was getting worried. So, to test if it was bad luck, he went to the mirror store and broke the Grand Mirror. "You brake it you buy it," so Hue forked over $170. The ground started to rumble. a crack the size of a semi opened in the Earth where Hue was standing. Then it was gone along with Hue. Hue's face turned up on milk cartons across the nation. "Have you seen this boy?" But that wouldn't do him good. He was at the center of the Earth right now, making reed woven wallets for Wal-Mart. Sorry Hue.

Armadillo Milking Weekly

The Weekly Armadillo Milking

How to Armadillo Milk

By: Gary Summers

Well I'll be griddle, fried and baked. You want to Armadillo Milk. Well here's how:
Strip down to your tighty whiteys and rub yourself with jelly 'cause this may get sticky. Grab a bottle of Elmer's Glue, a balloon, spatula, mouthwash, bird seed, ammonia, one tricycle complete with get-to driver, a straw, mittens, alcohol (for sanitising), and a clothes pin.

Step (1) Find an armadillo.

Step (2) Put on your safety mittens.

Step (3) Sanitize the mittens with the alcohol.

Step (4) Remember to do the next steps quickly to avoid injury.

Step (5) Flip the armadillo over with a spatula.

Step (6) Rub some glue around a spot on the armadillo's underside.

Step (7) Stick the straw into the belly in the area with the glue so that the glue seals the straw to the skin so that you don't loose any milk.

Step (8) Attach a balloon to the straw.

Step (9) Blow into the armadillo's mouth as if you were giving him CPR. The pressure will push the milk into the balloon for collecting. Blow until all milk is out.

Step (10) Give the armadillo some mouthwash before yourself. (Be courteous)

Step (11) Now take some mouthwash for yourself.

Step (12) Remove straw and balloon.

Step (13) Close balloon with clothes pin to prevent leakage.

Step (14) Glue the area of the armadillo's belly shut where you put the straw in.

Step (15) Administer some ammonia to the armadillo so that he is unconscious while you escape to avoid injury.

Step (16) Spred some bird seed around so that the armadillo will have something to eat once he wakes up. Getting milked makes you hungry.

Step (17) Push off the get-to driver from the tricycle and peddle away to freedom.

The armadillo will have accumulated more milk in about 2 months. A health armadillo should contain 2 gallons of milk. Keep armadillos in colonies off about 200 with one queen. Make sure to mark the queen with a purple or blue dot, so as to keep track of it. Armadillos are to be kept in sheets. Keep the sheets in a white box. A buzzing should come from the box when the armadillos are happy. Give them lots of flowers to pollinate. The "milk" produced is actually honey. For more information on keeping your armadillos in a healthy condition, go to http://www.beekeppingfornewbs.org/

Now that you know how to Milk Armadillos, you can add a variety of jobs that you will be qualified for to your resume'. Happy Milking!

Advertisement: Improved titanium straws at Armadillo Milking General Store. Only $17.83.

Expert's Tales: Mad Armadillo Disease

Armadillo Milkers Brad Falco, Lit Grendle, and Greg Wumblo were up in Toronto ,Canada when a crop duster flew over the group of wild armadillos they were milking. The one they were just gluing sneezed and turned green in the eyes. "It started to chew my shirt and all of the sudden it was tearing off my hair," remembers Brad. "Then the whole group of them got red in the eyes too." The group of armadillos then attacked Falco, Grendle, and Wumblo. The enraged armadillos tore off all of their hair and started to pummel them. After 20 minutes of being pummeled, the experts reached their get-to tricycles. "I'm glad I took that class on get-to driver pushing techniques, " reports Grendle. "it probably saved my arm pit hair." They peddled away to the Motel 8 they had been staying at and received immediate medical assistance. Lit, and Brad both had rabies and received a shot. All three of them were admitted out the next day. "I'm still going to keep Armadillo Milking though, I couldn't make a living any other way," said Greg Wumblo even though they are hairless to this day.

If you have seen any armadillos with green eyes, get inside, check your hair to make sure it is safe, and call us immediately at 1-800-898-MILK. More information on Mad Armadillo Disease will be coming soon. Or visit http://www.armadillomilking.org/madarmadillodisease.

Tip of the Week-Make sure to have your get-to tricycle equipped with training wheels.

This Week's Casualties-13

Armadillo Milking Weekly Premier

With Henry's (of Henry's Happy House) Squirrel Farming magazine getting top notch ratings, I had to make my own rip-off of it. I will now be writing a magazine article on Armadillo Milking that is proclaimed to be weekly, but don't expect it. So, enjoy the scribblings!

No Bias. Bull!

Hello, I'm an enraged "Liberal" and I will be ranting to you today. I was just watching the Bob O' Riley Show, in which he claims to be un-bias. He then calls "Liberals" and I quote, "so stupid that they're dangerous," and "nuts." Well then, I must be an Cashew. And my family almonds, walnuts, peanuts, and pistachios. And I have just called myself a "Liberal" 'cause that's what all you far righties are going to deem me after reading this.

P.S. Susan Rogen just had a bad mess up/day as we all do, but since she's on national television with a successful semi-well know career which most of us don't have, she gets slammed. And now you all are going to write me off as a crack-pot-lunatic because I'm a "Rogen supporter". Well I'm not, I'm a nutty-whack-job.

So, as my first meaningless moral Internet outrage has come to a conclusion, I bid you farewell my little political activists of the third kind.

Play-Doh's History

1956 marks the day, I mean year, when the world's happiness level grew from moderately joyful to extremely cheerful. That was the year Play-Doh was released to the masses with! Noah and Joseph McVicker sent in a patent request, No. 3,167,440, for a "plastic modeling composition" that was originally planed to be a wall paper cleaner. Just like Silly Putty, its arch rival was also created by accident. Nearly 2 billion containers of Play-Doh have been sold already. At first, Play-Doh came in a 1.5lb cardboard cylinder in only one color: off-white.

Co-creator, Joseph McVicker, remembered how hard his school modeling clay was to manipulate, and how easy one of his non-toxic wall paper cleaner prototypes was. So, he decided to send a box of it over to his childhood school. It was a huge success. Sinse his invention was such a hit, he offered to supply the rest of the schools in the Cincinnati area with it too, getting an equally amazed reaction from them. Then, his product was showcased in a national educational convention. After that, department stores started to take a serious interest in the new modeling clay. With the help of his new company, "Rainbow Crafts", McVicker sold the first can in Woodward & Lothrop Department Store in Washington, D.C. The head of the 9 million pounds of Play-Doh to be sold over the next 50 years.

Over the next few years, modifications were made to the PLay-Doh recipe such as color and squishy properties. They also updater the PLay-Doh mascot's, Play-Doh Pete's, image. The cardboard can was made out of plastic too. And in 1991 the Play-Doh franchise was sold to Hasbro under the Playschool division. The exact formula for Play-Doh is carefully stowed in a safe location, but many common home-made recipes are out there. In 2000, Hasbro let people vote on their favorite Play-Doh colors. Over 100,000 people voted and the winners were rose red, purple paradise, blue lagoon, and garden green with many close runners up. Warren Brown from Food Network show "Sugar Rush" made an etible birthday cake mix of Play-Doh for it's 50th anniversary in 2006, Happy Birthday you creative, accident lucky, people.

The Gibbly Horm Monster

Wanted

The monster, Gibbly Horm, is wanted for mass trickery. The fiend is a mischievous character, he will stop at nothing to get the best of you. (By nothing I mean if you do nothing he'll stop. But people don't have the sense for that.) He is know as the Gibbering Worm. (Probably because most people can't pronounce his name correctly.) What Gibbly is know for most is: shutting the door you are about to walk through so that you walk into it.

Gibbly is about three and a half feet tall, he weighs about 40 pounds, and has a camel shaped body. His skin is purple, but the skin on his appendages is magenta. He has black, oval-shaped eyes and a slit for a nose. The Gibbering Worm has four arms and two legs. Don't mix up his head with his tail, which are both worm shaped. He is also renowned for being the only creature with floating eyebrows. It also has five slippery digits on each appendage.

The monster was last seen near Chicago, but we don't know where it is now, or where it will strike next. To catch Gibbly Horm get one mouse trap, some strawberries, and a cat carrier. Set up the strawberry on the mouse trap. (Gibbly Horm loves them.) So if the Gibbering Worm is near, he will go for the strawberry. Once trapped, put him in the cat carrier and take him to the Humane Society. The reward for catching Gibbly Horm is 100 Euro. We want it in the petting zoo!

If you see this creature, call 1-800-333-Worm