The Skippy Chronicles Season 4 # 2 Search and Rescue

Well, even though Dane expressed his confusion of the obviously false first clue, he still decided to search his house after leaving Henry's. He started with the plumbing. After seven hours of sticking his head in toilets, shower drains, sinks, garbage disposals (ouch), and various other wet tubes, tunnels, and crevices, he concluded that Skippy was not in any of the pipework, so he decided to check all the structural areas. After four more hours of crawling around in walls, ceilings, floors, and other various places that held his house up, Dane assumed that Skippy wasn't there either, so he decided to check all outgoing forms of transportation. After three more hours of riding cars, mail trucks, milk vans, ice cream vans, bicycles, garbage trucks, and other various things with or without wheels, Dane came to realize that Skippy wasn't leaving his house if he was there at all, so, for his final search, Dane check all rooms and piles of junk in his house. After ten more hours (which now all the hours spent searching add up to twenty four, EXACTLY, I HAD A STOPWATCH) of looking in bed rooms, closets, bathrooms, and kitchens, and digging through piles of dishes, food, clothes, toys, and other various molding lumps Dane came to the final answer that Skippy was not in his house at all. Dane went into a fit that looked somewhat like him attempting to catch his tail, swallow his tongue, tickle his back, and kick his leg. Dane finally snapped out of his deranged trance and went to get the mail. In the box he found another clue. It read:

Dear Dane, Henry, Ben (maybe), and Zach (honorary),

We wish that all of you had followed Dane's idiotic example of tearing up his house in search of Skippy, but I guess you can't have your salamander and lick it too. So, we have issued the real first clue, but it will be number 1 & 1/2 and will prepare you for the second clue, or Clue 2, as I might add. Good luck with this rhyme:

Clue # 1 & 1/2:

Gather your crew,
For clue number two.

Sorry, that clue was really bland and dry, and really, it probably shouldn't have been a clue at all, but, it will bring us all closer together, love your neighbor.

Somewhat Sincerely, but Somewhat Sarcastically,
E.V.I.L. (Evil Villains Incarcerate reptiLes)

The Big 70!

The next post will be my big 70th! I was just at my big 50th, but after a big blogging splurge, I reached my Big 70th in three days! Show support by entering the R at R Big 25th topic contest! Go blogging!

P.S. Henry, write on your blog, especially about Skippy!

The Skippy Chronicles Season 4 # 1 The Best Beginning Ever

Dane woke up from his dream to find that a note had been pushed under his door. HE unfolded it to find magazine cut out letters in the form of a message. It read:

Dear Dane, Henry, and Zach,

We have turtlenapped Skippy the turtle in order to research him. We took these drastic measures for no apparent reason. We will leave clues to his whereabouts to aggravate you into chasing him for our amusement. Now that the ransom stuff is taken care of, we will write the small talk. How have you been? How's Skippy? (Wait, we turtlenapped him, never mind.) What's been on your mind? Keeping busy? Enough small talk, time for the first clue of Skippy's location.

Clue #1: In your house Skippy resides,
But only you to him does safety provide.

In no Way at all Sincerely,
E.V.I.L. (Evil Villains Incarcerate reptiLes)

Dane had no idea why the people who wrote the letter didn't use a computer and type the message out to disguise their handwriting, so he assumed they were equally as ignorant as him. Or the people were somewhere remote, so they didn't have a computer to use, but then how would they get the magazines? This contemplation was pointless and was using much of Danes brainpower, so he decided to stop and brought Henry over to help him search his house for Skippy.

The Bigger 25!

AS you know I'm on number 23 of the soon to be 25 post of R at R and 25 is a quarter of one hundred, and that is really cool. So, for the actual 25 post, I am going to write about a topic suggested by "the viewers". So leave a comment on this post about what I should write about. The best one will beb used for the 25th post of R at R!

Randomness at Random # 23 Wax Winning (the prequel to Wacky Wax)

Carl was walking around the slummy side of town, looking for something irresponsible to do, when a man in a gray suite asked him if he was 21. What kind of question is that to ask, thought Carl, but since he had been looking for something irresponsible to do he told the man his age. (Carl's age will never be specified since he does many strange things involving many age groups.) The man in the gray suite didn't really care if what his age was, he was going to put him on the Easy To Win game show anyway. Carl was flown out to Washington to the Easy To Win game show complex for his 11:00 am (not pm, or cm, that's centimeters) recording time. After all the corny/showy stuff about his personal life, the host, Mr. Announcer, said that he had to pass five levels of tasks to achieve the grand prize of one million dollars. (Exchanged into equal value in Euro is a prize of 100 Euro A.K.A. inflation) The first task was to take off all his clothes and rub every single inch of himself inside and out with Wasabi sauce. Piece of sushi, I mean, cake, he thought. Carl did so, and after screaming for an hour, passing out of pain, screaming another hour, and taking a bathroom break that even more painful, Carl passed level 1. Level 2 was that Carl had to swallow 100 ping pong balls filled with baby pablum. Piece of ground carrot, I mean, cake, he thought. He did so, and after puking for an hour straight, and another even more painful bathroom break, Carl had passed level 2. Level 2 and 1/2 was challenging Carl that he had to swallow 100 golf balls filled with Habenero Pepper hot sauce. Carl did so and after the most painful bathroom break yet he passed the hypothetical Level 2 and 1/2. Levels 3 and 4 were to swallow 100 tennis and soccer balls filled with liquid mercury and cyanide poisoning, and after the mother of all painful bathroom breaks, Carl was on to Level 5. Level 5's task was to milk 200,000 glow worms and fill a twenty food tall cylinder, then drink it all while swimming in it. Carl did so, and after the father of the father of the uncle of the mother of all bathroom breaks, Carl had won the million dollar prize. And guess what he bought with it...

Randomness at Random # 22 Wacky Wax

I've decided the Chuck as the main character's name was wwwaaayyy to long to type. It was such a long name that I have to replace it with another. Meet Carl, Caz for short. Why Caz? 'Cause it sounds cool. CAZ CAZ CAZ CAZ CAZ CAZ CAZ. Say that seven times fast. No really. Say it. Do it. Do it! DO it! DO IT! YOU BETTER DO IT! DO IT FOR PICKLES SAKE OR I WILL SHOVE A PINEAPPLE THAT'S INSIDE A PORCUPINE DOWN YOUR THROAT AND OUT YOUR EARS, THEN TAKE YOUR EARDRUMS AND STRETCH THEM INTO A REAL DRUM AND BEAT YOU WITH IT UNTIL YOU LOOSE CONSCIOUSNESS OR SHOVE YOUR FACE IN A DUMPSTER!!! Oh, sorry. Got a little carried away there. Seriously. No seriously. SERIOUSLY! IF YOU DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY I WILL GET A RAKE AND CLAW ALL OF YOUR SKIN OFF AND THEN POKE YOU WITH THUMB TACKS OVER EVERY SQUARE INCH OF YOUR BODY- Sorry, got carried away again. What was I talking about? No, I really forgot. REALLY! Okay, I'm done.

Randomness at Random # 22 Wacky Wax

Caz, or Carlington as he was know at the Formal Dining Club of Fancy Snobs, owned a wax shop. Caz and his wax shop were the talk of Waxicon Valley. (That's like Silicon Valley in California, but with wax and in Pennsylvania.) Caz was on a game show a week before and had won one million dollars. The game show was called, Easy To Win, but that's another story. Really, it is, or will be in, Randomness at Random # 23, anyway, he bought a life-time supply of wax, ear wax.

And when you need an ear cleaner, use WaxAway ear cleaners. They incorporate spinning saw blades for deep down clean. WaxAway. Sorry, had to have an infomercial, that's what pays for this blog. Anyway, Carl used this earwax to make sculptures. Magnificent, disgusting, sculptures.

He changed his wax shop into a showroom for his "art" as I guess is what you would call it. He sculpted people, naked and clothed, happy and sad, tall and short, stupid and smart all out of ear wax. He sculpted animals and plants, unclothed (as most animals and plants are), happy and sad, pretty and ugly, rare and common, all out of ear wax. He sculpted objects, unclothed (as most objects except for barbies are, though most of the times barbies have their cloths off too), happy and sad, big and small, useful and not, all out of ear wax. He mad zero money off of his sculptures, but he didn't care, this was his passion: sculpting unsightly things out of unsightly material. He changed his showroom to a gallery, and his gallery to a museum, and his museum to a monument for his great ear wax sculpting "talent" as I guess you would call it. Carl grew famous, but not rich, from his putridly modeled sculptures. Carl was "happy" as I guess you would call it (more like insane) until a particularly hot day in July when his sculptures melted. A stream of smelly, discolored, dirty, and slimy ear wax flowed through his front doors and down the street drain. Gone. All the sewer rats left the sewer due to the terrifyingly gruesome stench left by the ear wax river. Carl ran out of money just about a week later and became homeless. He now makes miniature wax sculptures weekly with the findings of the contents of his ears.

Poorly (Written) Poetry # 4 Plime of Mime, Crime, and Lime

Plime was a mime,
He could not chime,
He would mime,
How to climb.

Plime has done crime,
He had done the time,
'Cause he didn't have the dime,
So he lived in the grime,
Of crime.

Plime liked to rhyme,
While he baked his lime,
But it always turned into slime,
When he baked his lime,
But they divime.

(The last word is divine, but to ryme it is now to be addressed as divime.)

Poorly (Written) Poetry # 3 Kyle of Style, Hostile, and Tile

I am Kyle,
I like style,
I go the extra mile,
And take the extra while,
To be in style.

People have had to dial,
9-1-1 for my hostile,
behavior,
An I've been put on trial,
In which I am in denial,
of my hostile,
behavior.

It is worth your while,
To me for your tile,
I have a big file,
On my tile,
I wear a smile,
As I make a pile,
I am quite versatile,
I use a vial,
To poor the grout,
For yout tile.

Poorly (Written) Poetry # 2 Animal Ocupations

There was a eagle,
Though he was illegal,
He learned to juggle,
At an angle.

There was a seagull,
He would haggle,
In a jungle,
But he would always bungle.

There was a beagle,
He was regal,
He would dangle,
From a shingle.

There was a man,
His name is Kris Kringle,
His sleigh made a catchy jingle,
He liked to giggle,
He wasn't single.

60th Post!!!

I have just reached my 60th post after pulling a ten-post-in-one-day-er. I was now post more regularly with Randomness at Random and Poorly (Written) Poetry! Go 60th post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poorly (Written) Poetry # 1 Skip Low

If you skip too high,
you'll hit the sky,
and you will die,
and I will cry,
as I lie,
you in the rye,
and I say goodbye,
to my special guy.

Poorly (Written) Poetry Series Premier

Welcome to the red carpet opening of Poorly (Written) Poetry! I will be your tour guide and sushi chef for this evening. This series will include terribly worded, horrifically spelled, disgusting topics, and epically failed attempts to make some phrases be remotely interesting. Be prepared for being unprepared.

The Getobird's Address

The recent corolation between The Balaclava Blog thing and NASA have interacted with my interest. In fact, they have had several formal dinners with my interest and are great car pool buddies with it, so, I would like to get on this train of creative collaboration, but before we get even deeper into the Skippy Chronicles, what are we going to do about Zach? Shall the Balaclava dude replace him? I await your strange replies.

Totally uncincerly,

Federal Cheif of Non-Alchoholic Beverages,
Washington, United States of Amsterdam

Dane Fisher

Dane Fisher

The Skippy Chronicles Season 4 # 0 The Best Prologue Ever

I have no idea what that thing with Fidel Castro that Henry wrote about was about, so I am going to ignore it until he explains. Enclosed in this envelope is the Skippy related side of the prologue. If you are reading this when it is not in an envelope you will be arrested, I mean, mailed a copy of the prologue that is in an envelope. (Not really, you'll be arrested for envelope biast)

Skippy burst around the corner. Five guards, he thought, that's seven guards too many. I can't take them, but, if I can separate them maybe I can. Skippy ran faster along the tunnel. He dived into a side room as the guards ran past. He lunged for the last guard in line. It toppled around the corner and screamed, too far out of view to see what Skippy was doing to him. The guard stopped screaming with a little rasp and whimper as all was quiet. The other four guards would be after Skippy in a moment, he had to escape and stop Fidel Castro from rising to power. We all know how much Fidley (as I like to call him) likes peanut butter sandwiches and Skippy's name was the same as a major peanut butter producer's was. Is that just a coincidence. Well, obviously this had to do something with Skippy, so he wanted some answers, so he needed to escape in order to find them. The guards appeared and...blank.
Dane woke up from his dream. What's happening to Skippy?

STAY TUNED FOR A PREVIEW OF NEXT POST'S EPISODE:

THE SKIPPY CHRONICLES SEASON 5 # 1 THE BEST BEGINNING EVER

Randomness at Random # 21 Food Phobia

Chuck was, as always, undergoing another test run of a drug pill. It was called FoodAwayAZEMICAL. Chuck had little money, and when I say a little I mean dirt poor, not even dirt poor, more like no-dirt poor, so he was undergoing a month of FoodAwayAZEMICAL to see if he got the weight loss results that he wanted. Nothing is easy for Chuck. After about 168 straight hours (a solid week) of unpleasant bathroom involved complications. The toilet seat actually molded into the contures of Chuck's rump. So after that horrific and dirty week, Chuck started to have a fear of food. Phoodaphobia is what it is called. All types of food, even fruits and vegetables grew mouths, puppy dog like eyes, and a nose and started to convince Chuck about why he shouldn't eat them. Here's a typical day for Chuck:

Breakfast-

Chuck: I'm hungry, I think I'll have some cereal.
Cereal: No, dude, don't eat me! I have a Cheerio and three Fruit Loops, I've gotta provide for them, man.
Chuck: Okay, how about an orange?
Orange: I'm not organic.
Chuck: Guess I'll wait until lunch.

Lunch-

Chuck: Time for an "I skipped breakfast" type of power lunch. I want a sandwich.
Sandwich: No way, Chuck, you ate Ham yesterday and beloved Turkey on Tuesday, lets not put me, Bologna, on the list. It's unhealthy to have the same meal thrice in row.
Chuck: Okay, I'll have macaroni.
Macaroni: No, I am only a starch and dairy, remember the food pyramid, you need a serving of everything. Try T.V. Dinner.
T.V. Dinner: I have high fructose corn syrup.
Chuck: I'll wait for Dinner.

Dinner-

All foods: DON'T EAT US!!!
Chuck: I'm gunna puke.

So, every night when Chuck didn't have any food all day and got nauseous and puked from lack of chow he wrenched, but nothing came out. He didn't have any food to throw up. Now, even Water was trying to convince him to switch to Milk and then Milk would shout at Water for being a jerk.
Chuck decided to hit himself in the head with a hammer until he snorted the FoodAwayAZEMICAL pills out his nose. It worked without major injury, and when I mean major, I mean death, so Chuck was about brain dead when they recalled the pills for serious side effects. Chuck was happy he got his hundred dollars for trying the pills, they would pay for another prescription he was testing for money called DeadInAFewSecondsFERZINAD.

Spanish Post

Hola amigos! Es el espanol libro! Yo hablo en espanol para el libro. Me llamo Dane. Es libro estupido. Adios!

HOLY COW! THIS TITLE IS MENT TO BE SOOOO EXCITING THAT I WISH I COULD MAKE THE FONT SIZE TO BE 1 MILE PER LETTER!!! I AM POSTING AGAIN AMIGOS!

THIS DAY YOU WILL WANT TO MARK IN HISTORY IS THE DAY THAT FAMED WRITER "ME" RETURNS TO WRITING HIS BLOG!!! YOU BETTER SHAKE MY HAND NOW BEFORE I GET TOO FAMOUS!!!