Randomness at Random! #2 Will of Will

Hello Dearest,

This is my will. I am Will WhatzIsName. I am 14. I'm sorry this will is written on a napkin from Burger King, I am not old enough to write this on legal paper. Besides, legal paper is all snooty with its length. It thinks it's better than all the other papers like, graph, construction, and most of all white. Not blue. White paper. Just 'cause it's longer. Well that's an abomination- sorry. That is a matter to deal with later. Anyway my will is unofficial, but I still want to control your lives a bit form beyond the grave. Don't grieve for me. I'm in a better place, with a pool, and, you bet, a swim-up bar. It's just like Hawaii, 80 degrees and sunny. Unlike down there. It's 128 all the time. Poor souls. Anyway, I'll say "hi" to Elvis if you want. But the Purgatory lot. Eesh. It's air conditioned like Wall Greens. Plus they have FAKE plants there. And there are no chairs there. They just got to stand in line with there papers, just like at the airport, or election day, or taxes, or when you get deported, (no personal experience at all senio`r) waiting for there papers to get the ACCEPTED stamp like when you get a loan. Ug! But, as you know we are here for a will for me, Will. I get side-tracked easily. Hey you know how when you say easily it sounds like lily? I should get some for my sweet-heart, Marian. She loves lilies. But...I signed up on the reincarnation slip. I participated in this foreign-religion-exchange Program. I am currently a child of Budah, by law. I've been here for 2 weeks, so legally I'm a Buddhist. But I'm the nineth slot, so I'll probably be back to you soon as an infant, or a bunny rabbit, or a paper-clip, ...or a bug. Please don't step on any bugs for a while. I want to live a little on the wild side before I have to come back here. But.. again this is about who gets my possessions. So whoever showed up gets twenty bucks. And whoever took the time to sit here as you read through my rambling nonsense can divide it up equally among themselves. Have fun with that argument. And last but not least, I leave my Betta fish, Kenneth XII, to whoever I hate the most at this current moment. Have fun feeding the longest living fish in the world, current enemy.

Farewell,
Recipient

P.S. Don't put me in a casket, I'm claustrophobic. (Gosh does Santa freak me out!)
Also, don't get me cremated. I'm not payin' Five thousand dollars for someone to toss me in a fire, then scatter my feet and ears into different parts of the world. I come into the after-life a discombobulated cripple. Plus, I'm have extremely bad allergies. I might sneeze my dust-self all over. You can't take Zertech when you're dead you know. Duh! Just feed me to some cannibals, make good use. Or compost. Throw me in the compost. Let me fertilize your garden. Do some good. Go Planet! And if you go against my first wish of my last wishes, just put "Crap I'm Dead" on my grave marker.