Hiccup Cure

Hello! This is the almost garunted hiccup cure! If you go to the website below and click "skip my ramblings and disclaimer" you will find the 30 second hiccup cure! I have hiccups often and this works! It may take a little curage, but it works! and add on to his instructions- breath deeply after "squeak." Good Luck!

http://www.cognitial.com/hiccups.asp#cure

30 Posts

I'm board beond measure, and this blog has reached 30 posts! So, I will be writing some sort of story today.

There once was a story that was so sad someone decided not to write it. THE END

Randomnness at Random! #13 Bad Luck Karma

Well, sinse this is Randomness at Random post # 13, I'll get stupertious on you. I mean superstious.

Hue was walking to the pet store to buy a fish to stick down his worst enemy's pants, when a black cat walked by. Imedeatly, a chicken coop fell off a nearby roof and crushed Hue under 100 pounds of hen, poop, and eggs. He crawled out, and since the rotton luck had put him in a bad mood, he decided to get a tarantula for the pants instead. He was at the local dinner, Aunt Shela's, who hadn't been inspected for health code in twenty years, when he spilled the salt. A cottage cheese truck then crashed into the side of the building and spewed its contents all over Hue and the other customers. By this time Hue was getting worried. So, to test if it was bad luck, he went to the mirror store and broke the Grand Mirror. "You brake it you buy it," so Hue forked over $170. The ground started to rumble. a crack the size of a semi opened in the Earth where Hue was standing. Then it was gone along with Hue. Hue's face turned up on milk cartons across the nation. "Have you seen this boy?" But that wouldn't do him good. He was at the center of the Earth right now, making reed woven wallets for Wal-Mart. Sorry Hue.

Armadillo Milking Weekly

The Weekly Armadillo Milking

How to Armadillo Milk

By: Gary Summers

Well I'll be griddle, fried and baked. You want to Armadillo Milk. Well here's how:
Strip down to your tighty whiteys and rub yourself with jelly 'cause this may get sticky. Grab a bottle of Elmer's Glue, a balloon, spatula, mouthwash, bird seed, ammonia, one tricycle complete with get-to driver, a straw, mittens, alcohol (for sanitising), and a clothes pin.

Step (1) Find an armadillo.

Step (2) Put on your safety mittens.

Step (3) Sanitize the mittens with the alcohol.

Step (4) Remember to do the next steps quickly to avoid injury.

Step (5) Flip the armadillo over with a spatula.

Step (6) Rub some glue around a spot on the armadillo's underside.

Step (7) Stick the straw into the belly in the area with the glue so that the glue seals the straw to the skin so that you don't loose any milk.

Step (8) Attach a balloon to the straw.

Step (9) Blow into the armadillo's mouth as if you were giving him CPR. The pressure will push the milk into the balloon for collecting. Blow until all milk is out.

Step (10) Give the armadillo some mouthwash before yourself. (Be courteous)

Step (11) Now take some mouthwash for yourself.

Step (12) Remove straw and balloon.

Step (13) Close balloon with clothes pin to prevent leakage.

Step (14) Glue the area of the armadillo's belly shut where you put the straw in.

Step (15) Administer some ammonia to the armadillo so that he is unconscious while you escape to avoid injury.

Step (16) Spred some bird seed around so that the armadillo will have something to eat once he wakes up. Getting milked makes you hungry.

Step (17) Push off the get-to driver from the tricycle and peddle away to freedom.

The armadillo will have accumulated more milk in about 2 months. A health armadillo should contain 2 gallons of milk. Keep armadillos in colonies off about 200 with one queen. Make sure to mark the queen with a purple or blue dot, so as to keep track of it. Armadillos are to be kept in sheets. Keep the sheets in a white box. A buzzing should come from the box when the armadillos are happy. Give them lots of flowers to pollinate. The "milk" produced is actually honey. For more information on keeping your armadillos in a healthy condition, go to http://www.beekeppingfornewbs.org/

Now that you know how to Milk Armadillos, you can add a variety of jobs that you will be qualified for to your resume'. Happy Milking!

Advertisement: Improved titanium straws at Armadillo Milking General Store. Only $17.83.

Expert's Tales: Mad Armadillo Disease

Armadillo Milkers Brad Falco, Lit Grendle, and Greg Wumblo were up in Toronto ,Canada when a crop duster flew over the group of wild armadillos they were milking. The one they were just gluing sneezed and turned green in the eyes. "It started to chew my shirt and all of the sudden it was tearing off my hair," remembers Brad. "Then the whole group of them got red in the eyes too." The group of armadillos then attacked Falco, Grendle, and Wumblo. The enraged armadillos tore off all of their hair and started to pummel them. After 20 minutes of being pummeled, the experts reached their get-to tricycles. "I'm glad I took that class on get-to driver pushing techniques, " reports Grendle. "it probably saved my arm pit hair." They peddled away to the Motel 8 they had been staying at and received immediate medical assistance. Lit, and Brad both had rabies and received a shot. All three of them were admitted out the next day. "I'm still going to keep Armadillo Milking though, I couldn't make a living any other way," said Greg Wumblo even though they are hairless to this day.

If you have seen any armadillos with green eyes, get inside, check your hair to make sure it is safe, and call us immediately at 1-800-898-MILK. More information on Mad Armadillo Disease will be coming soon. Or visit http://www.armadillomilking.org/madarmadillodisease.

Tip of the Week-Make sure to have your get-to tricycle equipped with training wheels.

This Week's Casualties-13

Armadillo Milking Weekly Premier

With Henry's (of Henry's Happy House) Squirrel Farming magazine getting top notch ratings, I had to make my own rip-off of it. I will now be writing a magazine article on Armadillo Milking that is proclaimed to be weekly, but don't expect it. So, enjoy the scribblings!

No Bias. Bull!

Hello, I'm an enraged "Liberal" and I will be ranting to you today. I was just watching the Bob O' Riley Show, in which he claims to be un-bias. He then calls "Liberals" and I quote, "so stupid that they're dangerous," and "nuts." Well then, I must be an Cashew. And my family almonds, walnuts, peanuts, and pistachios. And I have just called myself a "Liberal" 'cause that's what all you far righties are going to deem me after reading this.

P.S. Susan Rogen just had a bad mess up/day as we all do, but since she's on national television with a successful semi-well know career which most of us don't have, she gets slammed. And now you all are going to write me off as a crack-pot-lunatic because I'm a "Rogen supporter". Well I'm not, I'm a nutty-whack-job.

So, as my first meaningless moral Internet outrage has come to a conclusion, I bid you farewell my little political activists of the third kind.

Play-Doh's History

1956 marks the day, I mean year, when the world's happiness level grew from moderately joyful to extremely cheerful. That was the year Play-Doh was released to the masses with! Noah and Joseph McVicker sent in a patent request, No. 3,167,440, for a "plastic modeling composition" that was originally planed to be a wall paper cleaner. Just like Silly Putty, its arch rival was also created by accident. Nearly 2 billion containers of Play-Doh have been sold already. At first, Play-Doh came in a 1.5lb cardboard cylinder in only one color: off-white.

Co-creator, Joseph McVicker, remembered how hard his school modeling clay was to manipulate, and how easy one of his non-toxic wall paper cleaner prototypes was. So, he decided to send a box of it over to his childhood school. It was a huge success. Sinse his invention was such a hit, he offered to supply the rest of the schools in the Cincinnati area with it too, getting an equally amazed reaction from them. Then, his product was showcased in a national educational convention. After that, department stores started to take a serious interest in the new modeling clay. With the help of his new company, "Rainbow Crafts", McVicker sold the first can in Woodward & Lothrop Department Store in Washington, D.C. The head of the 9 million pounds of Play-Doh to be sold over the next 50 years.

Over the next few years, modifications were made to the PLay-Doh recipe such as color and squishy properties. They also updater the PLay-Doh mascot's, Play-Doh Pete's, image. The cardboard can was made out of plastic too. And in 1991 the Play-Doh franchise was sold to Hasbro under the Playschool division. The exact formula for Play-Doh is carefully stowed in a safe location, but many common home-made recipes are out there. In 2000, Hasbro let people vote on their favorite Play-Doh colors. Over 100,000 people voted and the winners were rose red, purple paradise, blue lagoon, and garden green with many close runners up. Warren Brown from Food Network show "Sugar Rush" made an etible birthday cake mix of Play-Doh for it's 50th anniversary in 2006, Happy Birthday you creative, accident lucky, people.

The Gibbly Horm Monster

Wanted

The monster, Gibbly Horm, is wanted for mass trickery. The fiend is a mischievous character, he will stop at nothing to get the best of you. (By nothing I mean if you do nothing he'll stop. But people don't have the sense for that.) He is know as the Gibbering Worm. (Probably because most people can't pronounce his name correctly.) What Gibbly is know for most is: shutting the door you are about to walk through so that you walk into it.

Gibbly is about three and a half feet tall, he weighs about 40 pounds, and has a camel shaped body. His skin is purple, but the skin on his appendages is magenta. He has black, oval-shaped eyes and a slit for a nose. The Gibbering Worm has four arms and two legs. Don't mix up his head with his tail, which are both worm shaped. He is also renowned for being the only creature with floating eyebrows. It also has five slippery digits on each appendage.

The monster was last seen near Chicago, but we don't know where it is now, or where it will strike next. To catch Gibbly Horm get one mouse trap, some strawberries, and a cat carrier. Set up the strawberry on the mouse trap. (Gibbly Horm loves them.) So if the Gibbering Worm is near, he will go for the strawberry. Once trapped, put him in the cat carrier and take him to the Humane Society. The reward for catching Gibbly Horm is 100 Euro. We want it in the petting zoo!

If you see this creature, call 1-800-333-Worm

Storywork's Evil Assignment, My Past Life

This is for Storyworks, the silliest kids magazine in the world. A story about the earthquake of 1812, as prompted by Storyworks.

Oakaby, a tall 14 year old boy-thingy (this feels like I'm describing a felon) was playing with his hula-hoop, as he had been doing for the past 6 years, when the earthquake came. Before then, Oakaby's life in Portland had been relatively normal, boring, and back-braking. So when the Earth split open and the ground began to shake, Oakaby got quite a surrr-pras. in his panic, he thought the best thing to do would be to hide under his bed-thing. His mother thought that might be a bit less smart and instructed him to go outside. Once the "Hard Shock"' came on February 7, 1812, Oakaby got a hard shock. his mother (he didn't have a father) was crushed under falling rubble. Oakaby's matres-thing was thrown out the window, so he decided it would be safer on the water. So he took afloat on his matres-thing downstream. 2 days later he arrived in Olympia, Washington, where he met his foster parents, Nan and Gup.

See Storyworks!? See what you made me do!?

Randomness at Random! #12 The Answers of Dumb

Hue was taking a test on Geography when this story takes place. Here is the test and Hue's answers' below them. Hue's friend, Carl, filled in #2 for him, then Hue wrote in a comment on Carl's answer.

Geography Test

#1. What are the citizens of Italy called?

Uuummm...... Pastafarians? Like Rastafarians, but since they are in Italy they like pasta.

#2. Name a country that starts with an H.

Hungary.
No, in the world, Carl.

#3. Write a post card bleow as if you were in Spain?

Well, I'm having a just lovely time being insane now. I'm in this wonderful hotel they call the asylum. Oh, in Spain! Not insane! Gottcha.

#4. Where is the Sahara desert?

Sara'a dessert is in the fridge.

#5 True of false? This question is false.

"Gosh this test is hard!" said Huey. "I know how I'll get the answers right!"

Hue pulled out his cell phone.

"I'll just use my phone to hack Mrs. Dotty's computer and get the answers."

Hue started pressing random buttons on his phone, because the fact was; he didn't know how to hack a computer from a very suseptable cell phone. So he decided luck better smile on him today. :) (If you're wondering, that thing to the left of this is a smily Cirus face.) Wow was hue lucky! He actually got a screen to pop up that acctually looked like it might be on the right track. It said:

Hacking: Please wait... [

Hacking: Please wait...... [

Hacking: Please wait......... [

Hacking: Please wait............... [

Hacking: Please wait................... [

Hacking: Please wait.......................[ Hacking complete.

Hue looked at his phone. It had many incompreble letters on it. Hue just realized his phone had a bunch of incomperable letters on it. Hue had just hacked his own phone from his phone. Would you look at that? No? You wouldn't? Oh, well. Hue moaned a like a cow being milked with a steel brush. Then he went back to his test, answering each question with the same answer: Uuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ?????????????????????????????????????But, hay, it's for horses.

Hue receved his test the next day. It had the picture of someone barfing on it. Hue took that Mrs. Dotty thought his test was bad.

Randomnness at Random! #11 A Knock to the Head and Door

Ah! A fresh new post to mess up in many crooked and hilarious ways. Don't you love the feeling!? I do.

But Hue, didn't. In the start of this story, Hue took a rather nasty knock to the head when using a hammer to tidy his hair. Judging by the way Hue was using the hammer at the time of his accident, I think Hue has had many head injuries before this, but alas, there will most likely be more to come. Anyway, once Hue was brought home for the hospital, or as Hue called it: the Hostile Pittle, you could clearly see he wasn't thinking right. He put the jelly on his bread before the peanut butter when making a PB&J. Or as Hue called it, a peanut brittle and jerky sandwich.
But the most obvious evidence of his shenanigans, was this: -Knock knock- Someone was at the door. "Don't worry about the door Hue, I'll get it."

All Hue's mother got was an unidentifiable,"Mmmhughu."

Hue's mom, Tracy, answered the door.

"Why hello, Delores. It's lovely to see you." (I did that for you Melissa. Sorry other viewers,

you wouldn't get that Melissa thing.)

"How nice to see you too, Tracy. Just poppin' to see how Hue was doing."

"Oh, he's fine," said Tracy.

'Well good, I'll see you later then."

"Bye."

"Why didn't you answer the phone mom? It was ringing."

"What sweety? No it wasn't. Go back to sleep."

Hue slept for an hour and woke up at the ringing of the phone.

"Mom, get the door, somebody's here."

"Just a second the phone just rang."

"That was the door, mom. Answer it."

Tracy picked up the phone and chit-chatted with a friend for a while. Something wasn't right.

At 2:00 someone knocked on the door again. Instinctively, Hue picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

No one answered, just a dial tone. As you can see, Hue's konk on the head made him mix up the sounds of a knock at the door and the telephone ringing. Hue's mother tried to set him straight with a good whack of the newspaper to set him straight. Nothing happened. Everything Hue's parent's tried to put him back to normal failed. Even the doctors attempts to cure him fell short too. All they did was make him confuse the sounds of a car horn with the school bell. That was bad.

But the saddest thing of all, was that he never got Knock-Knock jokes again.

Randomnness at Random! Notice & #10 Port Potty, not Port-O-Potty

Notice: If you have noticed this notice reward yourself. (See Randomness at Random #9) Anyway, from now on our main character's name is Hue. As in Huey. Not 'hewy' like that's a bunch of hewy. But Hue as in Huey as in the name as in (Here's a little pronunciation for you) Heew-ee N. (The N. means name, not noun) The name of the main charter in this story from now on. It's a cool name. Now to the story.

Randomness at Random #10 Port Potty, not Port-O-Potty

P.S. Sorry for all the sort-of crude humor and potty jokes.

Huey, or Hue for short, is the guy's life you will be eavesdropping on today. You see, Huey didn't have a bathroom in his house. And as you might imagine, that is very inconvenient for him. So, on Friday, Hue went to buy a bathroom for his house. But seeing as he didn't have a car, only a bike, he thought it might be better to shop online. Http://http://www.toiletsforcheap/.com . This sit seemed a little more cheap than classy, featuring: the box toilet, so he decided to try another one. http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/ was a little to sci-fi for him. http://www.mypootin seemed like a reasonable place to shop, so he clicked on it. Many wonderful choices popped up (sorry) or should I say pooped up, on-screen for Hue to choose from. The classic fuzzy seat, the outhouse, the porcelain express, the hole, the self cleaning, and the wheelchair accessible kind.
But the one that perky Huey's curiosity the most was the Port-O-Potty. Those big greenish-blueish Waste Management type. Of course he'd spruce it up with a "Home Sweet Port-O-Potty" sign and other features. He picked 1 day shipping he was so excited. Plus, I'd save a lot of trips to the gas station bathroom if he got it a few days earlier. Once it came UPS, (it was a big box)he hauled it to the entrance hallway where he had cleaned out a nice closet to put it in. He even put a welcome mat outside the closet door leading to the Port-O-Potty. After a few days, he decided to get another one for the upstairs master bath. After more success, he decided to get 2 more, one for the guest bathroom and one for the backyard. The one in the backyard had a birdbath out side it to wash your hands in. That Hue was pretty clever. All the parties Hue hosted got lots of comments on his new Port-O-Potty bathrooms. He wasn't sure if they were compliments or not, but he got more just to please everybody if there were compliments. A few months after their first arrival, it was September now, all 9 plastic toilets got little (please excuse the gross humor ahead) toilet mints and air fresheners to complement the nice stinky aroma that hung around the bathrooms. Finally, a year after the toilets arrival, all 17 of them, as that was how many there were now, got there contents pumped out. The pump guy said a cleaning was long overdue. Obviously the health department got involved. All they did was send a lecturing letter to Hue and that was the end of it. Most of Hue's friends like to joke about his Port-O-Potties. Some called him obsessed, others called him a collector of all things Lu. (If you don't know what the Lu is, it's another name for bathroom, most commonly used in England. Refer to the "Skip to my Lu" song for more information. But that is exactly what Hue did. He started collecting Port-O-Potties. He moved to another house, and turned his house into a museum of all things Lu, even though all he had were Port-O-Potties, it sounded better. Once his collection grew to 97, he decided to make it a museum. It cost 2$ to enter. There was a small food court for eating lunch. But most of them had already spilled theirs, or weren't hungry anymore. At potty 247 he renamed his facility "Port Potty." It was now a local attraction. Once Hue died, he left all 786 Port-O-Potties to his eldest son Gordon who sold it to Waste Management as a showroom for their products. The End

I promise the posts to come wont be so gruesome and disgusting.

Randomnness at Random! #9 Notice Me

Notice: I don't know if you've noticed. But there is a notice here. And it wants to be noticed So notice it. But know this: if you do not notice the notice, I will notice. And if I notice that you have not bothered to notice this notice, you will suffer the most terrible price: To have to notice this notice was insignificant and not worth your while. But please, keep reading this notice. But before you do, notice how much time reading this notice has taken out of your life. But any way, the notice to be noticed is:................................

Drum roll please...................




(Scroll down)


















Hi! Thanks for noticing me! Don't forget to notice the notices!

My Perrr'tty Poem for Class

Exploring I go,
Through damp, mossy tunnels.
Stubbed my toe, oh no!
I popped up at the cennals. (Cennals is supposed to ryme with tunnels.)

Back in the hole,
To worlds a-new.
Oh gosh, it's the hole of a mole!
Wait! Just a rabbit, phew! (Moles are blind, why would a rabbit be better? 'Cause there cuddly!

I'm back in the woods now,
It's full of big trees. (Du'h!)
I've stepped in the mud now,
Towel please!

There's a creek nearby,
Splashing water all over.
Moquiteos attracted, here fly,
Then to a field covered in clover.

To the fort,
I've spotted a racoon!
Boy he's short,
I hope we don't go home soon.

Night now, and the owls are out,
All safe in our sleepin' bags.
But now we're running all about,
Giving off a joyfull shout. (It rymes with the one above it.)

Mom's calling for me to come in,
I bolted toward her, oops I tripped!
I think she was just happy I didn't scrape my shin,
She would've been angry for being out so long, lucky I slipped.

Awaiting tomorrow,
All safe in my bed.
I'm filled with sorrow for the day to end, but there's alwayes tomorrow.
I think I'll take a trip to the shed.

Randomness at Random # 8 Singin' a Song of Loathing, I mean L-O-V-E

Treat me right!

Take me on a starry night,
to fly a kit.
I don't want to fight!
Take me for a flight,
that would be a delight.
Let's not bite!
There's too much spite!
But,

I just might...

Love you...

If you treated me right!

We have a stupendous might,
as long as we keep the light,
bright!

Our anger is slight,
to the delight,
we bring each other.

Treat me right!

This has gone on long enough,
this plight.

Oh Dwight!

Treat me right!................................................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................

W-O-W.

That's some powerful stuff. I'm nut gonna take Napien again! That pill put me right to sleep!
So where were we?.................................................................
.......................................................................................................................................
...............................................

Alomst to the Big 10!

Hey buddies and viewers alike out there! We're almost to the tenth episod of Randomness at Random! I have lots of great ideas still for Randomness at Random, but I'd love your help for new episode ideas! If you have any, just add a comment at the bottom of this post explaining your idea and I'll check it out!

Thanx!

Randomness at Random # 7 Recipe for Disaster

For all those RuneScapers out there, you'll like the title.

Chuck was making a recipe of his own concoction. This is what he wrote:

Recipe for Turkey Stuffing: Serves 48

Make a mix of dough, 30 flies, and mayonnaise.

Put into oven for 12 to 65 hours. Add seasoning of pickles, marshmallows, eraser shavings, shaving cream, cream cheese, cheese sticks, sticks, and extract of bottled herring.

After baking, dump contents into trash can. This is bad! That's why we disposed of it............................................................................... to make it good.

Let sit for 2 days.

After fermentation, add lotion to the mix in the trash can.

Once moisturised, pour trash can contents into tray.

Add 40 cups of salt, 8 eggs, (gotta get your share of Salmonella), 3 bags of Cool Aid mix, one cadaver, a can of peas still caned, and last a tub of lard.

Put into industrial oven (hobo fire) for 364 days.

After cooking, stuff into 17 desired turkeys. Enjoy your trip to the hospital to get your stomach pumped!

That was a gruesome tail, but hay, it's for horses!

Randomness at Random # 6 Heath Hazard and Notice

Notice: Henry Koch from Henry's Hospital is making a new series that is un-named right now. So, in light of his series that is not at all a B grade version of mine, (Ahhhhhhhhh-Hemmmmm! Henry, that ahem, was for you.),I am copy-writing this series as of......... now! ......@! Crap! I mean, carp. Well, there is no "copy-write" key, so just mix the C with the @ symbol. There now it's copy-writed!

Randomness at Random # 6 Health Hazard

This episode will be written like a play, enjoy.

Guss, the under payed, pimple inflamed, health inspector, walks into the restaurant: This is Better Than Dog Chow!

Guss- Excuse me. May I have one of your finest dishes?

Waiter- No.

Guss- I'm the health inspector.

Waiter- Oh! No.

Guss- Then I guess I'll just have a look at your kitchen.

Waiter-...............................

Guss walks into the kitchen.

Guss- Oh my! This place is awful! There are rats in the rat cages! Dogs on the floor! Droppings everywhere! And oh! It looks like you are getting your food out of a trof! It looks like dog food! But your sign says it's better than dog food, but it is dog food!

Supposed Chef- This isn't a restaurant! This is a pet store! Didn't you see the sign? It says Dog Food and Things.

Guss- No wonder the "waiter" said no.

Later, at This is Better Than Dog Chow! ....................

Guss- You have a very fine establishment here. I'm proud to say that this is better than dog chow! The chief is gonna be getting a very fine report for you. Thank you for serving me, good bye!

Restaurant Staff- It is better than dog food, it's cat food!

Guss- Ahahahaha!

Once Guss has left the restaurant staff whisper behind their backs.

Restaurant Staff- But really, it is cat food.

-resolute music-

The Spelling Post, Full of Movie References

Each wacky sentence has a spelling word for week 5 underlined. Happy trails!

1. This great Australian country is wonderful! When you flush the toilets, they spin the other way!

2. I'm supposed to be writing about does, but it sounds like dosy, like dosy-doe! So I keep dancing, and I can't finish this sentence---Hold yer partner! Spin around!.........

3. Once upon a time there was an old guy, my grandpa in fact, I was young then, about 10, who used to talk and jabber on and on about the most ridiculous stories. Like one time he told me the story about the 3rd World War, it was the year 143 and my tax credit was short then.............

4. When I first layed my eyes on you I said, "Gorsh! She is a beautiful can o' beans! I bet she'll be a tasty one!"

5. I am a guy of the unusual sorts, like my occupation says: Lunatic.

6. Ooookaaaay! Unit 7, mooooveeee out! What was that Snowflake!? Ya!? Well you're a girl?! Hehehe, that was an original one, don't you think, Colonial Davis? Yes! I do think, you girl!

7. Yes, finally! I have escaped from prison! I'm a fugitive! No one can catch Johny the Pickpocket Mystery! 'Cause that's me! And I'm the Gingerbread man! Er, I mean I'm Johny the Pickpocket Mystery, but I'm fast.

8. Hello, Sir. Have you chosen a selection from our fine menu? Uuu, yes, I'll have the kol-o-maha-rie. The what? The Kolo-o-maha-rie. Oh! The calamari! Fine choice, Sir.

9. James studied the fire extinguisher a few feet away. It was held with a clip that was bolted to the wall. How can I utilize that? James thought.

"It's too late for you Mr.Bond."

"What do you expect from me? Do you expect me to lunge for that fire extinguisher and use it to blow you out of the cargo bay of the plane that is open to the air, even though we are 7,000 feet up?!"

"Clearly not Mr Bond. Or I would have devised a much more stable and predictable way for you do die. I expect you to die Mr.Bond!"

10. "What a magnificant sculputer! I have never seen anything more amazing in my life!"

"It's a grade B, Play-Doh dragon, mom."

11. "Please! Don't robe me, don't take my valuables!"

"Uuu, okay, sure mam, sorry to threaten your life. Have a nice day!"

12. Augg! Please don't do it! But, Indiana, it is customary to our culture to make newcomers eat this bile stuff. Oh, well when you put it that way. Okay!

13. The universe is enormous, Harry. Harry? -Beew, bang, pow!- Oh why did I let young Harry get that Play Station, he loves to play on the Harry Potter game for the 5th book. But the hasn't happened yet, so it is very bad for his mind.

14. "You have been treated to the lap of luxury for far too long, Richy."

"I haven't sat in my father's lap for years! How dare you insult me on false pretences!"

"Exactly the point, my friend."

15. The museum is closed today, my friend. Well have to find ancient bones somewhere else. To the retirement home!

16. What is with this thumbprint!? It's all wrinkly and clear! Ieeuchk! Umm, Chuck, that's plastic wrap.

17. Oh! These friend eggs are wonderful! They smell good too! I bet they taste wonderful! Yum! Oh gosh! My guests always confuse my fried eggs with sulfur! Oh, wait! Sulfur smells like rotten eggs! My eggs must be horrible! But.... oh! That's good sulfur!

18. Look at all those bags in the recycle bin! It's like Suffocation-Mart! Oh, how repulsive! None of these bags have a warning to keep out of hands of small children! I'm gonna tell the 700 Club about that! Oh! How many lives are lost each second to youngins be suffocated by bags!? It must be billions of billions! I'll complain to the safety check people!

I like to talk to you at the end of this stuff, so sing me a song of your worries!

Randomness at Random! #5 Crazy CSAP Test

Hello, Frank. As you know, you are my lawyer. And this message on your answering machine is to you. Good luck.

You little son of a flea bag's, vacuum cleaner's, massage therapist's, daily post!

I think I'll sue you! You little varmint! I'm in prison! That is illegal! You're supposed to keep me from getting into this box, no matter how obvious it is that I robbed that nick-knack store in Vancouver near Niagara falls! Crap! Do you think they heard us? I mean like the cops are listening to this recording.

No, we aren't.

Okay, good. Any way, I'll eat you with an ice cream scooper, you unpasteurised dairy product! I'll sue you for not getting me out of deep, illegal, stupid, Mafia-connected, trouble! I'll get you in here too. And I'll get your house, car, and no.2 Ballpoint Fountain pen I've wanted for so many a year.

-Beep-

Plus, then I'll get rid of you so that my current lawyer, JoeShmoe Frankfurter, can have all the business of realty, I mean legal help, on 4th street for until your building gets bought! Which it won't in this re-crescendo, I mean recession. Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Buuuuuuuuuut, since you are my lawyer, I can't have you sue yourself, because you'll be the defendant. I guess I'll have to pay another lawyer to sue you. And God, heck everyone knows, that I can't afford that. I guess I'll have to compensate my revenge by sending you dog doo. It's cool! They have this great new company called Dog On It! that covers something of your Ex's in dog poo. That's why they call it Dog On It! 'cause that's what they'll say when they see it. But you're my Ex-Lawyer, still, it'll work and get the point across. Look watch what you brush your teeth with. That'd be a cool T.V. series name, X-Lawyer. Anyway, I'll get you, you dish washed, hand blown, crystallized, black and white copied, rubber duck! Even if it's the last thing I do! Ha!

-Please hang up and try your call again. The number you called is disconnected. You may have put in the wrong number. Please hand up and try you call again. The number you called is disconnected. You may have put in the wrong number. Please hang.....-

.................................................................-silent loathing-............................................................................
.........................................

Well kidios! That's our sow , I mean show, for today. Please answer Reflecting On the Topic questions 1-7, and Personal Response. Bye, bye.

Reflecting On the Topic

1. How did this passage make you feel?Why?

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2. Do you think Frank was good or bad? Why?

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3. Do you think the main character was good or bad? Why?

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4. Why do you think the letters were written in a bigger size at the beginning?

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5. Why did the author write the passage?

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6. Why do you think I am asking such stupid questions?

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7. Do you think Stephonie, my spouse, would like a car or a huge ring for our aniversery more?

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8. Why are you answering this question? I told you not to. Are you stupid? If you are reading this, you might as well just answer the questions I just asked.

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___________________________________________________________________.

Reflecting on the Topic

Have you met a lawyer before? What did you think of him/her? Why?
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(I had to do that him/her thing so as not to appear genderist. Also, I put more lines there to make you feel you should write more even though the question should take the same amount of space the ones above did.)

Do you have a connection to this passage? Why or why not? If so, explain when.

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___________________________________________________________________.

(In my opinion, you should just say, "No I do not have a connection." See? You don't have to writ as much as you would if you did have a connection. Or if you're a bit cheeky."No I do not have a connection because I am not a loopy wack-job.")

And another fine episode of Randomness at Random goes down the drain.

Randomness at Random! #4 Pool Time Diseases

It was a normal day at the pool when...

Marco!
Polo!
Marco!
Polo!
Marco!
Polio! Oops!
Marco!
Pancreas disease!
What?!
It's Marco, not "what". Geese, you should know that, Carl.

Well, that was a dissapointing episode. Thanks for watchin'! G'night New England!

My Blog is in a Coma

Hello beloved viewers. My blog is undergoing massive re-modeling, so it is in a coma at the moment while I fix it up. Also font verying on posts is regrretable. I'll do my best to keep with this one font now. I'll post another Randomness at Random (R&R) soon too.

Happy sailing on the S.S. Sinkable, (S.S.S), I'll see you next time. T.T.F.N.

Randomnness at Random! Notice & #3 The Forgotten Titles

Notice: Series name change. The name of the series has been changed from Why Do I Try?! to Randomness at Random! So, as this episode, lets say our blessings to all the other title ideas.

-funeral music-

In Fond Memoriam:

Why Do I Try?!

Don't Eat That!

My Pants are Dancing, Again

Shell: May Contain Peanuts

My Cholesterol is Pink

I'm Surrounded by Magical Fairies

Tastes Like a Nickle

Box, my Home

Two Shoes are Not Enough

The Sour Cream and Onion Show

My Eyes Like Sharp Things

and,

Peanut Butter is my Mentor

Thank You for Coming to this very sad upcoming, you may all now grieve silently.

Randomness at Random! #1 Alcoholics Anyone, I Mean Anonymous

Hello and welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. My name is Brad Geralthim and I am an Episcopalian. Wait Alcoholics, Anonymous. Crap.

That was a strange skit. Good bye. Toon in next time for another thrilling, epic story on... Why Do I Try?! Sponsored by the suicide hot line. If you ever feel the urge, just call. Not referring to that urge.

Randomness at Random! #2 Will of Will

Hello Dearest,

This is my will. I am Will WhatzIsName. I am 14. I'm sorry this will is written on a napkin from Burger King, I am not old enough to write this on legal paper. Besides, legal paper is all snooty with its length. It thinks it's better than all the other papers like, graph, construction, and most of all white. Not blue. White paper. Just 'cause it's longer. Well that's an abomination- sorry. That is a matter to deal with later. Anyway my will is unofficial, but I still want to control your lives a bit form beyond the grave. Don't grieve for me. I'm in a better place, with a pool, and, you bet, a swim-up bar. It's just like Hawaii, 80 degrees and sunny. Unlike down there. It's 128 all the time. Poor souls. Anyway, I'll say "hi" to Elvis if you want. But the Purgatory lot. Eesh. It's air conditioned like Wall Greens. Plus they have FAKE plants there. And there are no chairs there. They just got to stand in line with there papers, just like at the airport, or election day, or taxes, or when you get deported, (no personal experience at all senio`r) waiting for there papers to get the ACCEPTED stamp like when you get a loan. Ug! But, as you know we are here for a will for me, Will. I get side-tracked easily. Hey you know how when you say easily it sounds like lily? I should get some for my sweet-heart, Marian. She loves lilies. But...I signed up on the reincarnation slip. I participated in this foreign-religion-exchange Program. I am currently a child of Budah, by law. I've been here for 2 weeks, so legally I'm a Buddhist. But I'm the nineth slot, so I'll probably be back to you soon as an infant, or a bunny rabbit, or a paper-clip, ...or a bug. Please don't step on any bugs for a while. I want to live a little on the wild side before I have to come back here. But.. again this is about who gets my possessions. So whoever showed up gets twenty bucks. And whoever took the time to sit here as you read through my rambling nonsense can divide it up equally among themselves. Have fun with that argument. And last but not least, I leave my Betta fish, Kenneth XII, to whoever I hate the most at this current moment. Have fun feeding the longest living fish in the world, current enemy.

Farewell,
Recipient

P.S. Don't put me in a casket, I'm claustrophobic. (Gosh does Santa freak me out!)
Also, don't get me cremated. I'm not payin' Five thousand dollars for someone to toss me in a fire, then scatter my feet and ears into different parts of the world. I come into the after-life a discombobulated cripple. Plus, I'm have extremely bad allergies. I might sneeze my dust-self all over. You can't take Zertech when you're dead you know. Duh! Just feed me to some cannibals, make good use. Or compost. Throw me in the compost. Let me fertilize your garden. Do some good. Go Planet! And if you go against my first wish of my last wishes, just put "Crap I'm Dead" on my grave marker.