Randomness at Random! #20 Doodle in the Noodle

This is it! The 20th post! I asked my readers to suggest a good topic, but I already had one, so I'm sorry, but I started writing this post just seconds after telling everyone about how to suggest a topic.


Part One

Chuck was in class at VeryBoringAverageTypicalNormalElemantary. It was almost recess time and Chuck couldn't think about anything besides the drawings that were going on in his head. You see, Chuck was a very special kid at VeryBoringAverageTypicalNormalElementary. He had very elaborate day dreams that looked as if he had drawn everything in them. A doodle in the noodle. Today, Chuck was dreaming about dinosaurs and submarines and lolly pops and bunny rabbits and cereal and Japanese people and even ponies made out of sugar. Chuck missed the bell because the ponies had just turned into chocolate and Chuck didn't want to miss the climax of his dream when the dinosaurs turned into sugar and help the ponies defeat the Japanese people in submarines with lollipops. All the dinos had was cereal. It was an epic fairytale battle to last the ages. Only when Mrs.Un-noticalble slapped Chuck in the face did he notice that he was missing recess and lunch. Chuck skipped outside to play on the swings. During lunch after he had eaten ten rice crispy bars, three chocolate bars, and a giant oatmeal cookie, Chuck had a seizure. He started to do the Mocerana, tango, fox trot, and rumba all at once while chasing his tongue around his mouth to try and eat it. Then he slapped himself twenty times on each cheek and fell belly first on the floor convulsing. He was trying to each the gum under the table and put jelly beans up his nose a minute later. Mrs.Un-noticable had to pour ice cold water down his pants to wake him up. Chuck was taken to a mental institution. In social confinement, all of his day dreams came true.

Part Two

The ponies came out and ate all the paint they could find. The dinos came out and ate all the meat they could find. The Japanese came out and ate all the raw fish they could find. The submarines came out and ate all the gas they could find. There was nothing left of the asylum. Chuck called all his mystical creations and ran home. His parents were not pleased. The next day, Chuck dreamt of Godzilla fighting Big Bird and King Kong fighting Mr.T. The school was not pleased. Wednesday he thought of the nutcracker and James Bond. The town was not pleased. Next he thought of a circus made out of aliens and zombies. The country was not pleased. Then he wondered what Mars was like. The world was not pleased. Eventually the IRS (Internal Re-creation Scoundrels) convinced Chuck to dream of a devise that would make everyone forget this whole thing. Chuck did so. It looked like a Mac mixed with a PC mixed with the Republican and Democratic parties. A real bipartisan machine. Even Chuck forgot about his weird dreams and the creations got so lonely they thought it would be best to just go to the Moon and be forgotten. Everything was dandy and annoyingly normal once again.

Part Three

I just wanted to add a third part to make you think it wasn't over and get you worried again. Gotcha.

The Big 20!

The next post of Randomness at Random will be the 20th post! I will be taking suggestions on what the 20th post should be about, the best one will be used for it! I didn't say I couldn't make suggestions.

Randomness at Random #19 Thanksgiving Specal

Chuck was thinking of what to cook for Thanksgiving to take to his cousin's house. He found this in a draw marked toxic.

Recipe for Lumpkin Pie

1. Take an unhealthy dose of printer cartridge ink and pour it in a bowl.
2. Grab an albino squid and give it a good squeezing until ink comes out.
3. Put the squid ink in the bowl and blend it with the printer ink and a quart of old milk.
4. Take an armadillo and milk it. (If you don't know how, refer to my earlier post about it)
5. Put the armadillo milk and mix it with the ink/regular milk mixture.
6. Put the bowl aside and get out a pan.
7. Grab a quart of hot sauce and put it in the pan.
8. Take one hundred bell peppers and cut off the very bottom millimeter.
9. Put the pepper slices into the pan with the hot sauce.
10. Put twenty CDs into the blender and blend for twenty-four hours.
11. Put the CD juice into the pan.
12. Slap forty hobos and take the cheek cells.
13. Put the hobo cells in the pan.
14. Put a turkey into a trash compacter with some salt and jelly for two hours.
15. Put the turkey remains in the pan.
16. Combine the pan's contents with the bowl's contents.
15. Add a live raccoon.
16. Stir.
17. Bake for eighteen hours at negative one hundred degrees.
18. Enjoy and make sure you have a toilet, trash can, and barfing bag near you when you eat this dish.

Chuck was sued and tried for attempt at murder. He never saw the light of day again.

Randomness at Random # 18 Halloween Special and 50th Post!!!!

Happy belated Halloween everyone!!!!! Trick or Treat, smell my feet, and my laundry! This is the 50th post/Halloween Special Extravaganza! there really isn't anything different about the post, it's just the 50th!

P.S. Hue has had too many seizures in result of working for me, so we have replaced him in honor of the 50th post.
P.S.S. (P.S. Stands for pre script in this case)

Randomness at Random# 18 Halloween Special

Chuck was walking down the highway with his pinkie up, looking for someone to hitchhike with when it happened. When what happened you ask? I'm not gunna tell you. It's a secret. With sprinkles on top? Add a cherry and whip cream and you have yourself a deal. And that "please" better be pretty!
That was when a green and purple glow stick fell from the sky and hit him in the pinkie, breaking the appendage in half. Well Chuck had to be qualified for the job of an interesting character in my stories, so he was trained to eat anything that fell from the sky or glowed. So Chuck ate the glow stick without thinking anything of it. He decided to just hop home on his pogo-stick. When Chuck arrived at his house he decided to go into the cemetery. He knew it would make a good story because all Halloween story plot lines have a stupid guy go into the last place you should be on October 31st. Immediately the dead got out of their graves and shook Chuck's broken pinkie and tried to eat his brains until realising he had none. Chuck thought nothing of the badly written climactic event of the raising of the dead and walked on to the animal shelter. There all the "sleeping" animals got up and bit Chuck in the pinkie and tried to eat his brain until they realised that they would starve as all undead things do without a healthy brain to engorge upon. Then Chuck went to the local McDonald's. Everything there sprouted to life, even all the living people attending the counters and deep friars and drive through and the customers too. The food slapped his pinkie and tried to gnaw on his cranium to no avail, especially because most food doesn't have a mouth. Then the clerks and customers shook his pinkie and chewed his skull disappointingly. Chuck visited the electronics store and the morgue and even the White House. By the time Chuck decided to go home about a fourth of the world's dead population were alive, China was overpopulated to the point that people had to crawl over each other to get to places, like goldfish in a pond when you feed them. The town was overrun with zombies. It was like outsourcing to India. Everywhere you looked zombies ran the place. The post office, the grocery store, the suicide counseling. Chuck saw how bad this was for the economy. Now all the dollars were useless, all you needed was a brain and most things cost several brains and it is quiet unlikely you have several brains on you. So Chuck put together the facts. The glow stick he swallowed must have been radioactive, thus the dead were coming alive, just like the common plot of many a horror film. So Chuck contacted the Russians and asked if he could borrow a nuke from Cuba left over from the Cold War. They lent him one in the blink of an eye.
He nuked it. His town. The zombies shrived up into little round sponge like things and rolled into the fires that nuked had started just to make just everything was sterile. And Chuck and his smoldering town lived mutatedly ever after. The End.

FIFTY PARTY!!

This is post number 49! Help support me on my way to post fifty!



P.S. My birthday is coming up, so there will be a special birthday post for the fiftieth!



YAY! DANE! B-DAY!

Randomness at Random! #17 Pill Hill of Bill

As you may have noticed, my titles are often rhyming. If you have a problem with that I suggest you lock yourself in a closet for two days with nothing to do but read Doctor Sues books. Now...

Hue has just locked himself in the closet again. He also took some Sues books. So Bill will be the substitute creature.

CHAPTER ONE-SPILL BILL

Bill had a pill. Bill was a pill. Bill was in a mill. Bill loved Dill-pickles.

Bill was a scypopollynack. Scypopollynack's are people who are allergic to everything. As you can imagine, Bill had a lot of pills. He got them from Canada. Bill loved his pills. He named each one of them. Macky was his favorite.
One day Bill went out for a bubble walk. Bill had to be in a bubble all his life since he was allergic to everything. Using the toilet was tough. I t involved a vacuum. While Bill was walking he had the sudden urge to use the lavatory. He was going home to get the vacuum when he heard a sudden pop come from a bush a little way away. There was a person in it. He kept saying that he was a bush, not a person, and would rather be left in peace to his photosynthesis. Bill agreed and walked on. He suddenly pulled down his pants and collapsed into a violent fit of giggling and passed out while peeing himself and barfing. His bubble had been popped by the bushes thorn so that non-ventilated air rushed in and paralysed Bill with the sudden allergic reaction. The bush had used a needle...

CHAPTER TWO-DAZE HAZE

Bill woke up naked in toilet. Well, he was naked, but Bill wasn't in a toilet, he was in a pool on top of a surgery table. Eww. He leaped up and slapped himself. What? He didn't mean to do that. ???ZZZZZ Bill had passed out again.
Now Bill was in a bubble, naked except for a bikini, with a target drawn on his cheeks. Which ever pair of cheeks you chose is up to you. ZZZZZ??????
He was a pig. ZZZZZ?????
Bill finally stopped hallucinating and stood up. He was missing his beloved Macky....

CHAPTER THREE- WHY GUY

Bill raced across the side walk to his house. He needed a vacuum.
After a good clean break, Bill went home for no reason at all. There were a few clowns there who gaged him and ripped his clothes off. Great, he was naked again. One clown poked him in the kidney and watched as a hole appeared in it.
Bill had been told everything. The bush had tranqed him, took his pill and his kidney and was going to use it as a weapon. Not like he was gunna shoot people with a kidney. It was a bio-bomb. and only Bill could stop it for some un-shared reason. He thought the clown were just too chicken to kill the bush. The clowns were WTHAWPSASOFATTIMTWIOAS agents. (why the heck are we performing such a stupid operation for a terrorist treat I mean threat? why is or acronim so long?)
Bill's pill was the last enlarging pill ever.
They were sending him in...

CHAPTER FOUR- PILL HILL

Bill fell out of the plane. Actually he was pushed. Anyway. Bill landed on a hill. After a minute or so, the hill exploded. It was actually a temple. There was a bush inside. It was lighting fireworks. How over dramatic. The temple was filled with pills. Even one the size of a whale. (Bill named it Bessie) The big pill exploded with confetti. A party. Weird. The bush had a rock. No, it was a kidney. It was Bill's kidney. The bush shoved it into a pan, then added some more ingredients to it. One was thumbtacks. He then but Bill's pill in the pan. He drank the concoction. Eww. Bill didn't know what to do. it was already to late. He had drank the bile. The bush grew. It was the size of a skyscraper. Bill peed on it. it was what the WTHAWPSASOFATTIMTWIOAS agents had told him to do. The bush shrank. It was the size of a pea. As in vegetable. And that was that. Done. Bill's pee was the antidote to the enlarging pill. DONE.

-Sorry for the dry climax, it was late at night when I wrote this-

VIOLATION ALERT!!!!

I



Am



Afraid...



If you were unfortunate enough to read the last few comments on this blog, you will have been thoroughly confused.

Dear Anonymous (ahem *Sarah*) and Mellisa,

Internet safety is an important thing...
people could read the information you have posted on my comments and trick someone with that information, or use it in other dastardly ways. Also, my personal privacy is important too, other than my safety. This isn't the safest place to act as an I.M. network. Plus as you can tell, I don't get on very much either. Ma bye I don't want Ashly to know that you think her and I would be a good couple. Please sensor your comments to nameless and relationshipless, just tell me in person. Mellisa's codename will be BeanSean , Sarah's will be GirlSwirl, and mine will be DuckLuck.

It's fine, but just watch what you put on the web.

Randomness at Random # 16 Frog Nog

Hue has been shoved and locked in a closet for a while, so that's why we haven't heard from him in a while.

It was November. Hue hadn't eaten in a while since his closet caper. He decided to feed his frog named Skipper. He had had him for three years, but Skipper wasn't important enough until now to mention. Skipper had gotten out of his tank once. He had snuck into the pantry looking for something to eat. In the morning when Hue got up he decided he would be called Danny today. While he ate his breakfast, Danny noticed something green in his cereal. It was Skipper, he had crawled into the box that night when he was looking for food. He had also brought Skippitha, a green bell pepper he had found while looking for food. Skipper thought it looked like a female frog and suggested to Skippitha that she be his wife. She didn't reply, so he took it as a yes and dragged her with him. Danny screamed as the slimy, slippery Skipper hopped out of the cereal and into Danny's mouth. Skipper got so scared inside Danny's mouth that he dropped some "presents" in there. Then Danny opened his mouth and Skipper hopped out leaving Skippitha behind in Danny's cereal. Danny vowed vengeance.
When his mom was out, Danny took a bottle of egg-nog and poured some of it into a bowl of Frosted Flakes. He then put Skipper in the bowl along with thirteen jalapenos. Then put a trashcan over it. On top of the trash can he put Webster's un-abridged dictionary, and a few roles of toilet paper. Skipper wouldn't get out of there. When Danny's mother came home it was already too late. Skipper was dead.
Did I say dead? I meant red. Skipper was blushing profusely with all the new female jalapenos to chose from. They were hot. (Sarah) Hot as in spicy. There were already seven new litters of half jalapeno half frog on the way.

Smile your on 24 Hour Reality

I would like to take a moment away from the usual un-serious stuff that I write here and show my calm side. If you are looking for some wackiness now, check older posts. If your in the mood for Zen things then read on...



I was just listening to Carol of the Bells by George Winston while I wrote this. It's on the YouTube feature on the sidebar. I would like you to take a minute to listen to it.

I was looking out-side. The leaves are falling. The wind is blowing. It is light out. I just petted my cats. I am happy. Simply that. It is fall, my birthday is in eleven days. But I feel content. Most people don't take the time out their routines to feel the real inner peace and joy that may come from some calm music on a nice day. I was scared for Winter. It is always so dark and sad. But now I am pleased to know a new season with some relaxation is on its way. The sun is so bright, the music is so cheery, and all the people have come together as somewhat of a cohesive unit. I used to think that people were friendly all year-round, and they are, don't get me wrong, but in November/December people leave all the wild joy and obnoxious fun bringing of summer, and spin it into a very pleasant and nice web of calm contentment in the Winter. There's less crazy nights of glow stick and nachos and more talking and sharing. I just wish to know that other people find a nice, happy, peaceful niche in which they are content for a moment every ounce in a while. Happy Winter...

Randomnness at Random! #15 The Tale of Three Words

Well, since MELISSA was a mallard on stilts i an going to write tree words. THREE WORDS. there.

Randomness at Random! #15 The Tale of Three Words

If you have read The Tales of Beadle the Bard or just like fairy tale stories you will like this post.

One word was WHOSIT another was WHYSTHAT and the last was WHATSGOINGON. The words were traveling and they came to a river. Instead of trying to cross it they look around and find a bridge. They go over to it. They see DEATH. DEATH is angry at WHOSIT, WHYSTHAT, and WHATSGOINGON for not trying to cross the river without the bridge because they would have died and DEATH would love another soul to add to his SOULBAG. But DEATH tricks WHOSIT, WHYSTHAT, and WHATSGOINGON, and acts like he is happy for them cheating him out of a perfectly dry soul. He gives them each a wish. WHOSIT asks for a licorice stick that would grow when you ate it. WHYSTHAT asked for a nut that would let you see through walls. WHATSGOINGON asked for a blanket that would turn you into an animal when you put it on. Two days later... WHOSIT is killed for the price of his never ending licorice stick. One month later... WHYSTHAT kills himself for seeing the horrors of what gos on inside a McDonalds Employees Only door. Sixty years later... WHATSGOINGON dies of natural pigeon causes... DEATH is happy. But SOULBAG gets the swine flu and barfs up eight-hundred years worth of souls, but the souls have trouble getting into the country because their passports were taken when they were "deposited" in SOULBAG. So DEATH is so angry with himself that he pulls a comacazzy and kills himself. So there is no one to shove him in the bag and SOULSBAG gets backed up like a toilet and the SUPERNATURALPLUMBERS have to unclog him. Sewage.

The moral is to ask for a "GET OUT OF DEATH FREE" Coupon.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince Review

HOLY MY GREAT MOTHERS PANTS! I FORGOT!

REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Melissa! Thank you to DEATH!!!!

I will now be writing reviews about random stuff! I'm hoping not to copy Melissa too much, but since it was the idea, I will start with harry Potter 6!

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince Review

As all movies based on books, they follow the plot line about as well as a blind man follows a flashing arrow. They are BAD! BUT Harry Potter 6 follows to plot the most out of any movie/book I've ever seen! I wanna HUG it! Save for the end battle and a few minor things, it follows the book perfectly! Also in this instalment, Harry's character is less moody and angry. HOORAY! His 'tude was really getting to me. And sense the plot gets much darker, Harry inserts much more comic relief. HOORAY! The hocus-pocus in this movie is still stellar! But, the drama gets much better, and really makes this movie stand out!

That is all, good night, until next time! I hope. Ahhhh! (Sorry Random)

The First Bi-CentenContenetenial-Perinial Address

Hello nation! I am announcing my unretirement (that was never official) as blogger! I pulled a Brett Farve! So I don't have time RIGHT now, but I will blog soon! So Good Night!

Game Bonanza!!!!!!!!!

Durring my tech camp I have made quite a few games for you to check out. So go to http://scratch.mit.edu/users/Screecher34 for all of my awsome creations. Just don't mess things up though... If you want to see how I made my games or make your own, download Scratch and click the download all sprites and scrpits of game in the uper right corner when you have selected a game. Ta ta!

The History of Fireworks

According to several resources: Fireworks were thought to be made about 2,000 years ago when a Chinese cook accidentally mixed sulfur, charcoal, and saltpeter together, making a primitive gunpowder. He stuck the mix in a bamboo tube and lit it. It exploded, blowing the bamboo to bits, thus the first Fire Cracker. “Huo yao” was the name the Chinese gave the cooks explosive concoction, it means “Fire chemical” in Chinese, but it was the Italians who made the fountains and sky-high colorful displays you see today possible. Fireworks also brought the end to the medieval style of warfare as impenetrable walls of castles could be blown to bits with a cannon.

For more information on Fireworks check out http://www.ch.ic.ac.uk/local/projects/gondhia/lightcolour.html

Current Events

Micheal Jackson's dead........
Ferra Faucett's dead.......



.....That sucks.

Well, I'm not sure I have much more to say......

so.......


....Darn.




Also! If you have not watched Ferra's Story on the televison, I will be the reporter on her last struggle, because Ferra's death would be all over the news if it wasn't for Micheal Jackson dieing.

Here we go...

Ferra Faucett was one of the angels in Charlie's Angels, and was on one of the most famous posters of the 80's.

Two years ago Ferra was diagnosed with various very unpleasn't cancers. After two and a half years of ceemo, she died. END OF STORY

Mental Note

Hello viewers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I have been behind on posting for a while, but I've been on vacation, so hack me some slack. Just kidding. I love you guys! A special thanks to you two people who have stuck with me for a long while: Mr.Baatz and Melissa. I'm at tech camp right now, so I have made a webside now. Go to http://www.rivfc.org/spintheweb/dane ! But, first, let me warn you, it's super,super,super,super,super,super,super,super,
super,super,super,super,super,super,super,super,super,super,super,super,



Stupid.

So have fun! Bye!

Randomness at Random # whatever I think it's 14 The Diary of Dairy

OKAY MELISSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M POSTING ANOTHER THINGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIKE WRITING IN ALL CAPS AND PUTTING LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS ON THE PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JUST A FEW MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE!!!!!!!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. I'm done.

Though I am very sorry for not posting for a while.

Randomness at Random # 14 The Dairy Diary

There once was a boy name Hue. He kept a diary, unlike most boys. But unlike most diaries, this one was about dairy. Cheese, yogurt, milk and the like, all alphabetical categorized on taste, product, company, and thesis.
One day Hue's brother, Herald, stole his Dairy Diary. Hue chased him down, and in the end, Herald poked him with a thumb tack. Hue started to bleed...milk. Hue drank and ate so many dairy products, that he secreted milk when injured. Herald got a pin and stuck it right in Hue's belly. KKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBBBBBB
BBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!
!!!!
!!
!


!!!!!!!!!

!

SORRY, GOT A BIT CARRIED AWAY WITH THE BIG-OOPS!-Letters.........

Hue exploded and popped like a balloon, spewing milk everywhere with a sound like a Hue-PUNs-mungous fart.
Along with that, Hue's Dairy Diary vanished with a puff of Parmesan cheese. And Hue was never smelled again......


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?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

WHAT THE HECK???!!!!

How are you?

I'm no longer a sixth grader, and all of my viewers, or readers, have probably forgotten about this blog. So if you, Mr.Baatz, or anyone else (Melissa) are still watching this blog, please leave a comment so that I know your out there. I'll keep posting!

Mike the Headless Nicken, or Kraken, or Chicken

This weekend in Fruita, Colorado The Mike the Headless Chicken festival will be held.

In 1954 a farmer was beheading his season's chickens when one of his chickens stayed alive an unusually long time. he realized it was still alive the next day and decided to take it on the road for some profit. Scientist say that since the chickens brain stem was still intact and his esophagus was still functioning along with one ear, so Mike the Headless Chicken lived, though he had to be fed with a syringe and gooey foods.

This year the Mike the Headless Chicken Festival will be attracting some of the biggest crowds ever with art, music, Peep eating contests, chicken eating contests, and other chicken-themed games, plus other fun festival stuff.

So go there!

Wait! Too late! It took me too long to write this because I procrastinated, so the festival already happened........ 3 weeks ago.

I tire of this.

I'm a Growing

I used to talk in goos and gagas,
but now I talk in ain't nuthin's and un-ahs.
I used to like dinosaurs,
But now I like books and nature.
I used to be 3ft 4,
But now I am 5ft 1.
I used to need a kiss on my boo-boos,
But now I just say a few unpleasant words.
I used to hate artichoke,
But now I love it with cheese sauce.
I used to have to check my bed for monsters,
But now I just have to check the closet.
I used to be a kitten,
But now I have been reincarnated as a person-thing.

Hiccup Cure

Hello! This is the almost garunted hiccup cure! If you go to the website below and click "skip my ramblings and disclaimer" you will find the 30 second hiccup cure! I have hiccups often and this works! It may take a little curage, but it works! and add on to his instructions- breath deeply after "squeak." Good Luck!

http://www.cognitial.com/hiccups.asp#cure

30 Posts

I'm board beond measure, and this blog has reached 30 posts! So, I will be writing some sort of story today.

There once was a story that was so sad someone decided not to write it. THE END

Randomnness at Random! #13 Bad Luck Karma

Well, sinse this is Randomness at Random post # 13, I'll get stupertious on you. I mean superstious.

Hue was walking to the pet store to buy a fish to stick down his worst enemy's pants, when a black cat walked by. Imedeatly, a chicken coop fell off a nearby roof and crushed Hue under 100 pounds of hen, poop, and eggs. He crawled out, and since the rotton luck had put him in a bad mood, he decided to get a tarantula for the pants instead. He was at the local dinner, Aunt Shela's, who hadn't been inspected for health code in twenty years, when he spilled the salt. A cottage cheese truck then crashed into the side of the building and spewed its contents all over Hue and the other customers. By this time Hue was getting worried. So, to test if it was bad luck, he went to the mirror store and broke the Grand Mirror. "You brake it you buy it," so Hue forked over $170. The ground started to rumble. a crack the size of a semi opened in the Earth where Hue was standing. Then it was gone along with Hue. Hue's face turned up on milk cartons across the nation. "Have you seen this boy?" But that wouldn't do him good. He was at the center of the Earth right now, making reed woven wallets for Wal-Mart. Sorry Hue.

Armadillo Milking Weekly

The Weekly Armadillo Milking

How to Armadillo Milk

By: Gary Summers

Well I'll be griddle, fried and baked. You want to Armadillo Milk. Well here's how:
Strip down to your tighty whiteys and rub yourself with jelly 'cause this may get sticky. Grab a bottle of Elmer's Glue, a balloon, spatula, mouthwash, bird seed, ammonia, one tricycle complete with get-to driver, a straw, mittens, alcohol (for sanitising), and a clothes pin.

Step (1) Find an armadillo.

Step (2) Put on your safety mittens.

Step (3) Sanitize the mittens with the alcohol.

Step (4) Remember to do the next steps quickly to avoid injury.

Step (5) Flip the armadillo over with a spatula.

Step (6) Rub some glue around a spot on the armadillo's underside.

Step (7) Stick the straw into the belly in the area with the glue so that the glue seals the straw to the skin so that you don't loose any milk.

Step (8) Attach a balloon to the straw.

Step (9) Blow into the armadillo's mouth as if you were giving him CPR. The pressure will push the milk into the balloon for collecting. Blow until all milk is out.

Step (10) Give the armadillo some mouthwash before yourself. (Be courteous)

Step (11) Now take some mouthwash for yourself.

Step (12) Remove straw and balloon.

Step (13) Close balloon with clothes pin to prevent leakage.

Step (14) Glue the area of the armadillo's belly shut where you put the straw in.

Step (15) Administer some ammonia to the armadillo so that he is unconscious while you escape to avoid injury.

Step (16) Spred some bird seed around so that the armadillo will have something to eat once he wakes up. Getting milked makes you hungry.

Step (17) Push off the get-to driver from the tricycle and peddle away to freedom.

The armadillo will have accumulated more milk in about 2 months. A health armadillo should contain 2 gallons of milk. Keep armadillos in colonies off about 200 with one queen. Make sure to mark the queen with a purple or blue dot, so as to keep track of it. Armadillos are to be kept in sheets. Keep the sheets in a white box. A buzzing should come from the box when the armadillos are happy. Give them lots of flowers to pollinate. The "milk" produced is actually honey. For more information on keeping your armadillos in a healthy condition, go to http://www.beekeppingfornewbs.org/

Now that you know how to Milk Armadillos, you can add a variety of jobs that you will be qualified for to your resume'. Happy Milking!

Advertisement: Improved titanium straws at Armadillo Milking General Store. Only $17.83.

Expert's Tales: Mad Armadillo Disease

Armadillo Milkers Brad Falco, Lit Grendle, and Greg Wumblo were up in Toronto ,Canada when a crop duster flew over the group of wild armadillos they were milking. The one they were just gluing sneezed and turned green in the eyes. "It started to chew my shirt and all of the sudden it was tearing off my hair," remembers Brad. "Then the whole group of them got red in the eyes too." The group of armadillos then attacked Falco, Grendle, and Wumblo. The enraged armadillos tore off all of their hair and started to pummel them. After 20 minutes of being pummeled, the experts reached their get-to tricycles. "I'm glad I took that class on get-to driver pushing techniques, " reports Grendle. "it probably saved my arm pit hair." They peddled away to the Motel 8 they had been staying at and received immediate medical assistance. Lit, and Brad both had rabies and received a shot. All three of them were admitted out the next day. "I'm still going to keep Armadillo Milking though, I couldn't make a living any other way," said Greg Wumblo even though they are hairless to this day.

If you have seen any armadillos with green eyes, get inside, check your hair to make sure it is safe, and call us immediately at 1-800-898-MILK. More information on Mad Armadillo Disease will be coming soon. Or visit http://www.armadillomilking.org/madarmadillodisease.

Tip of the Week-Make sure to have your get-to tricycle equipped with training wheels.

This Week's Casualties-13

Armadillo Milking Weekly Premier

With Henry's (of Henry's Happy House) Squirrel Farming magazine getting top notch ratings, I had to make my own rip-off of it. I will now be writing a magazine article on Armadillo Milking that is proclaimed to be weekly, but don't expect it. So, enjoy the scribblings!

No Bias. Bull!

Hello, I'm an enraged "Liberal" and I will be ranting to you today. I was just watching the Bob O' Riley Show, in which he claims to be un-bias. He then calls "Liberals" and I quote, "so stupid that they're dangerous," and "nuts." Well then, I must be an Cashew. And my family almonds, walnuts, peanuts, and pistachios. And I have just called myself a "Liberal" 'cause that's what all you far righties are going to deem me after reading this.

P.S. Susan Rogen just had a bad mess up/day as we all do, but since she's on national television with a successful semi-well know career which most of us don't have, she gets slammed. And now you all are going to write me off as a crack-pot-lunatic because I'm a "Rogen supporter". Well I'm not, I'm a nutty-whack-job.

So, as my first meaningless moral Internet outrage has come to a conclusion, I bid you farewell my little political activists of the third kind.

Play-Doh's History

1956 marks the day, I mean year, when the world's happiness level grew from moderately joyful to extremely cheerful. That was the year Play-Doh was released to the masses with! Noah and Joseph McVicker sent in a patent request, No. 3,167,440, for a "plastic modeling composition" that was originally planed to be a wall paper cleaner. Just like Silly Putty, its arch rival was also created by accident. Nearly 2 billion containers of Play-Doh have been sold already. At first, Play-Doh came in a 1.5lb cardboard cylinder in only one color: off-white.

Co-creator, Joseph McVicker, remembered how hard his school modeling clay was to manipulate, and how easy one of his non-toxic wall paper cleaner prototypes was. So, he decided to send a box of it over to his childhood school. It was a huge success. Sinse his invention was such a hit, he offered to supply the rest of the schools in the Cincinnati area with it too, getting an equally amazed reaction from them. Then, his product was showcased in a national educational convention. After that, department stores started to take a serious interest in the new modeling clay. With the help of his new company, "Rainbow Crafts", McVicker sold the first can in Woodward & Lothrop Department Store in Washington, D.C. The head of the 9 million pounds of Play-Doh to be sold over the next 50 years.

Over the next few years, modifications were made to the PLay-Doh recipe such as color and squishy properties. They also updater the PLay-Doh mascot's, Play-Doh Pete's, image. The cardboard can was made out of plastic too. And in 1991 the Play-Doh franchise was sold to Hasbro under the Playschool division. The exact formula for Play-Doh is carefully stowed in a safe location, but many common home-made recipes are out there. In 2000, Hasbro let people vote on their favorite Play-Doh colors. Over 100,000 people voted and the winners were rose red, purple paradise, blue lagoon, and garden green with many close runners up. Warren Brown from Food Network show "Sugar Rush" made an etible birthday cake mix of Play-Doh for it's 50th anniversary in 2006, Happy Birthday you creative, accident lucky, people.

The Gibbly Horm Monster

Wanted

The monster, Gibbly Horm, is wanted for mass trickery. The fiend is a mischievous character, he will stop at nothing to get the best of you. (By nothing I mean if you do nothing he'll stop. But people don't have the sense for that.) He is know as the Gibbering Worm. (Probably because most people can't pronounce his name correctly.) What Gibbly is know for most is: shutting the door you are about to walk through so that you walk into it.

Gibbly is about three and a half feet tall, he weighs about 40 pounds, and has a camel shaped body. His skin is purple, but the skin on his appendages is magenta. He has black, oval-shaped eyes and a slit for a nose. The Gibbering Worm has four arms and two legs. Don't mix up his head with his tail, which are both worm shaped. He is also renowned for being the only creature with floating eyebrows. It also has five slippery digits on each appendage.

The monster was last seen near Chicago, but we don't know where it is now, or where it will strike next. To catch Gibbly Horm get one mouse trap, some strawberries, and a cat carrier. Set up the strawberry on the mouse trap. (Gibbly Horm loves them.) So if the Gibbering Worm is near, he will go for the strawberry. Once trapped, put him in the cat carrier and take him to the Humane Society. The reward for catching Gibbly Horm is 100 Euro. We want it in the petting zoo!

If you see this creature, call 1-800-333-Worm

Storywork's Evil Assignment, My Past Life

This is for Storyworks, the silliest kids magazine in the world. A story about the earthquake of 1812, as prompted by Storyworks.

Oakaby, a tall 14 year old boy-thingy (this feels like I'm describing a felon) was playing with his hula-hoop, as he had been doing for the past 6 years, when the earthquake came. Before then, Oakaby's life in Portland had been relatively normal, boring, and back-braking. So when the Earth split open and the ground began to shake, Oakaby got quite a surrr-pras. in his panic, he thought the best thing to do would be to hide under his bed-thing. His mother thought that might be a bit less smart and instructed him to go outside. Once the "Hard Shock"' came on February 7, 1812, Oakaby got a hard shock. his mother (he didn't have a father) was crushed under falling rubble. Oakaby's matres-thing was thrown out the window, so he decided it would be safer on the water. So he took afloat on his matres-thing downstream. 2 days later he arrived in Olympia, Washington, where he met his foster parents, Nan and Gup.

See Storyworks!? See what you made me do!?

Randomness at Random! #12 The Answers of Dumb

Hue was taking a test on Geography when this story takes place. Here is the test and Hue's answers' below them. Hue's friend, Carl, filled in #2 for him, then Hue wrote in a comment on Carl's answer.

Geography Test

#1. What are the citizens of Italy called?

Uuummm...... Pastafarians? Like Rastafarians, but since they are in Italy they like pasta.

#2. Name a country that starts with an H.

Hungary.
No, in the world, Carl.

#3. Write a post card bleow as if you were in Spain?

Well, I'm having a just lovely time being insane now. I'm in this wonderful hotel they call the asylum. Oh, in Spain! Not insane! Gottcha.

#4. Where is the Sahara desert?

Sara'a dessert is in the fridge.

#5 True of false? This question is false.

"Gosh this test is hard!" said Huey. "I know how I'll get the answers right!"

Hue pulled out his cell phone.

"I'll just use my phone to hack Mrs. Dotty's computer and get the answers."

Hue started pressing random buttons on his phone, because the fact was; he didn't know how to hack a computer from a very suseptable cell phone. So he decided luck better smile on him today. :) (If you're wondering, that thing to the left of this is a smily Cirus face.) Wow was hue lucky! He actually got a screen to pop up that acctually looked like it might be on the right track. It said:

Hacking: Please wait... [

Hacking: Please wait...... [

Hacking: Please wait......... [

Hacking: Please wait............... [

Hacking: Please wait................... [

Hacking: Please wait.......................[ Hacking complete.

Hue looked at his phone. It had many incompreble letters on it. Hue just realized his phone had a bunch of incomperable letters on it. Hue had just hacked his own phone from his phone. Would you look at that? No? You wouldn't? Oh, well. Hue moaned a like a cow being milked with a steel brush. Then he went back to his test, answering each question with the same answer: Uuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ?????????????????????????????????????But, hay, it's for horses.

Hue receved his test the next day. It had the picture of someone barfing on it. Hue took that Mrs. Dotty thought his test was bad.

Randomnness at Random! #11 A Knock to the Head and Door

Ah! A fresh new post to mess up in many crooked and hilarious ways. Don't you love the feeling!? I do.

But Hue, didn't. In the start of this story, Hue took a rather nasty knock to the head when using a hammer to tidy his hair. Judging by the way Hue was using the hammer at the time of his accident, I think Hue has had many head injuries before this, but alas, there will most likely be more to come. Anyway, once Hue was brought home for the hospital, or as Hue called it: the Hostile Pittle, you could clearly see he wasn't thinking right. He put the jelly on his bread before the peanut butter when making a PB&J. Or as Hue called it, a peanut brittle and jerky sandwich.
But the most obvious evidence of his shenanigans, was this: -Knock knock- Someone was at the door. "Don't worry about the door Hue, I'll get it."

All Hue's mother got was an unidentifiable,"Mmmhughu."

Hue's mom, Tracy, answered the door.

"Why hello, Delores. It's lovely to see you." (I did that for you Melissa. Sorry other viewers,

you wouldn't get that Melissa thing.)

"How nice to see you too, Tracy. Just poppin' to see how Hue was doing."

"Oh, he's fine," said Tracy.

'Well good, I'll see you later then."

"Bye."

"Why didn't you answer the phone mom? It was ringing."

"What sweety? No it wasn't. Go back to sleep."

Hue slept for an hour and woke up at the ringing of the phone.

"Mom, get the door, somebody's here."

"Just a second the phone just rang."

"That was the door, mom. Answer it."

Tracy picked up the phone and chit-chatted with a friend for a while. Something wasn't right.

At 2:00 someone knocked on the door again. Instinctively, Hue picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

No one answered, just a dial tone. As you can see, Hue's konk on the head made him mix up the sounds of a knock at the door and the telephone ringing. Hue's mother tried to set him straight with a good whack of the newspaper to set him straight. Nothing happened. Everything Hue's parent's tried to put him back to normal failed. Even the doctors attempts to cure him fell short too. All they did was make him confuse the sounds of a car horn with the school bell. That was bad.

But the saddest thing of all, was that he never got Knock-Knock jokes again.

Randomnness at Random! Notice & #10 Port Potty, not Port-O-Potty

Notice: If you have noticed this notice reward yourself. (See Randomness at Random #9) Anyway, from now on our main character's name is Hue. As in Huey. Not 'hewy' like that's a bunch of hewy. But Hue as in Huey as in the name as in (Here's a little pronunciation for you) Heew-ee N. (The N. means name, not noun) The name of the main charter in this story from now on. It's a cool name. Now to the story.

Randomness at Random #10 Port Potty, not Port-O-Potty

P.S. Sorry for all the sort-of crude humor and potty jokes.

Huey, or Hue for short, is the guy's life you will be eavesdropping on today. You see, Huey didn't have a bathroom in his house. And as you might imagine, that is very inconvenient for him. So, on Friday, Hue went to buy a bathroom for his house. But seeing as he didn't have a car, only a bike, he thought it might be better to shop online. Http://http://www.toiletsforcheap/.com . This sit seemed a little more cheap than classy, featuring: the box toilet, so he decided to try another one. http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/ was a little to sci-fi for him. http://www.mypootin seemed like a reasonable place to shop, so he clicked on it. Many wonderful choices popped up (sorry) or should I say pooped up, on-screen for Hue to choose from. The classic fuzzy seat, the outhouse, the porcelain express, the hole, the self cleaning, and the wheelchair accessible kind.
But the one that perky Huey's curiosity the most was the Port-O-Potty. Those big greenish-blueish Waste Management type. Of course he'd spruce it up with a "Home Sweet Port-O-Potty" sign and other features. He picked 1 day shipping he was so excited. Plus, I'd save a lot of trips to the gas station bathroom if he got it a few days earlier. Once it came UPS, (it was a big box)he hauled it to the entrance hallway where he had cleaned out a nice closet to put it in. He even put a welcome mat outside the closet door leading to the Port-O-Potty. After a few days, he decided to get another one for the upstairs master bath. After more success, he decided to get 2 more, one for the guest bathroom and one for the backyard. The one in the backyard had a birdbath out side it to wash your hands in. That Hue was pretty clever. All the parties Hue hosted got lots of comments on his new Port-O-Potty bathrooms. He wasn't sure if they were compliments or not, but he got more just to please everybody if there were compliments. A few months after their first arrival, it was September now, all 9 plastic toilets got little (please excuse the gross humor ahead) toilet mints and air fresheners to complement the nice stinky aroma that hung around the bathrooms. Finally, a year after the toilets arrival, all 17 of them, as that was how many there were now, got there contents pumped out. The pump guy said a cleaning was long overdue. Obviously the health department got involved. All they did was send a lecturing letter to Hue and that was the end of it. Most of Hue's friends like to joke about his Port-O-Potties. Some called him obsessed, others called him a collector of all things Lu. (If you don't know what the Lu is, it's another name for bathroom, most commonly used in England. Refer to the "Skip to my Lu" song for more information. But that is exactly what Hue did. He started collecting Port-O-Potties. He moved to another house, and turned his house into a museum of all things Lu, even though all he had were Port-O-Potties, it sounded better. Once his collection grew to 97, he decided to make it a museum. It cost 2$ to enter. There was a small food court for eating lunch. But most of them had already spilled theirs, or weren't hungry anymore. At potty 247 he renamed his facility "Port Potty." It was now a local attraction. Once Hue died, he left all 786 Port-O-Potties to his eldest son Gordon who sold it to Waste Management as a showroom for their products. The End

I promise the posts to come wont be so gruesome and disgusting.

Randomnness at Random! #9 Notice Me

Notice: I don't know if you've noticed. But there is a notice here. And it wants to be noticed So notice it. But know this: if you do not notice the notice, I will notice. And if I notice that you have not bothered to notice this notice, you will suffer the most terrible price: To have to notice this notice was insignificant and not worth your while. But please, keep reading this notice. But before you do, notice how much time reading this notice has taken out of your life. But any way, the notice to be noticed is:................................

Drum roll please...................




(Scroll down)


















Hi! Thanks for noticing me! Don't forget to notice the notices!

My Perrr'tty Poem for Class

Exploring I go,
Through damp, mossy tunnels.
Stubbed my toe, oh no!
I popped up at the cennals. (Cennals is supposed to ryme with tunnels.)

Back in the hole,
To worlds a-new.
Oh gosh, it's the hole of a mole!
Wait! Just a rabbit, phew! (Moles are blind, why would a rabbit be better? 'Cause there cuddly!

I'm back in the woods now,
It's full of big trees. (Du'h!)
I've stepped in the mud now,
Towel please!

There's a creek nearby,
Splashing water all over.
Moquiteos attracted, here fly,
Then to a field covered in clover.

To the fort,
I've spotted a racoon!
Boy he's short,
I hope we don't go home soon.

Night now, and the owls are out,
All safe in our sleepin' bags.
But now we're running all about,
Giving off a joyfull shout. (It rymes with the one above it.)

Mom's calling for me to come in,
I bolted toward her, oops I tripped!
I think she was just happy I didn't scrape my shin,
She would've been angry for being out so long, lucky I slipped.

Awaiting tomorrow,
All safe in my bed.
I'm filled with sorrow for the day to end, but there's alwayes tomorrow.
I think I'll take a trip to the shed.

Randomness at Random # 8 Singin' a Song of Loathing, I mean L-O-V-E

Treat me right!

Take me on a starry night,
to fly a kit.
I don't want to fight!
Take me for a flight,
that would be a delight.
Let's not bite!
There's too much spite!
But,

I just might...

Love you...

If you treated me right!

We have a stupendous might,
as long as we keep the light,
bright!

Our anger is slight,
to the delight,
we bring each other.

Treat me right!

This has gone on long enough,
this plight.

Oh Dwight!

Treat me right!................................................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................

W-O-W.

That's some powerful stuff. I'm nut gonna take Napien again! That pill put me right to sleep!
So where were we?.................................................................
.......................................................................................................................................
...............................................

Alomst to the Big 10!

Hey buddies and viewers alike out there! We're almost to the tenth episod of Randomness at Random! I have lots of great ideas still for Randomness at Random, but I'd love your help for new episode ideas! If you have any, just add a comment at the bottom of this post explaining your idea and I'll check it out!

Thanx!

Randomness at Random # 7 Recipe for Disaster

For all those RuneScapers out there, you'll like the title.

Chuck was making a recipe of his own concoction. This is what he wrote:

Recipe for Turkey Stuffing: Serves 48

Make a mix of dough, 30 flies, and mayonnaise.

Put into oven for 12 to 65 hours. Add seasoning of pickles, marshmallows, eraser shavings, shaving cream, cream cheese, cheese sticks, sticks, and extract of bottled herring.

After baking, dump contents into trash can. This is bad! That's why we disposed of it............................................................................... to make it good.

Let sit for 2 days.

After fermentation, add lotion to the mix in the trash can.

Once moisturised, pour trash can contents into tray.

Add 40 cups of salt, 8 eggs, (gotta get your share of Salmonella), 3 bags of Cool Aid mix, one cadaver, a can of peas still caned, and last a tub of lard.

Put into industrial oven (hobo fire) for 364 days.

After cooking, stuff into 17 desired turkeys. Enjoy your trip to the hospital to get your stomach pumped!

That was a gruesome tail, but hay, it's for horses!

Randomness at Random # 6 Heath Hazard and Notice

Notice: Henry Koch from Henry's Hospital is making a new series that is un-named right now. So, in light of his series that is not at all a B grade version of mine, (Ahhhhhhhhh-Hemmmmm! Henry, that ahem, was for you.),I am copy-writing this series as of......... now! ......@! Crap! I mean, carp. Well, there is no "copy-write" key, so just mix the C with the @ symbol. There now it's copy-writed!

Randomness at Random # 6 Health Hazard

This episode will be written like a play, enjoy.

Guss, the under payed, pimple inflamed, health inspector, walks into the restaurant: This is Better Than Dog Chow!

Guss- Excuse me. May I have one of your finest dishes?

Waiter- No.

Guss- I'm the health inspector.

Waiter- Oh! No.

Guss- Then I guess I'll just have a look at your kitchen.

Waiter-...............................

Guss walks into the kitchen.

Guss- Oh my! This place is awful! There are rats in the rat cages! Dogs on the floor! Droppings everywhere! And oh! It looks like you are getting your food out of a trof! It looks like dog food! But your sign says it's better than dog food, but it is dog food!

Supposed Chef- This isn't a restaurant! This is a pet store! Didn't you see the sign? It says Dog Food and Things.

Guss- No wonder the "waiter" said no.

Later, at This is Better Than Dog Chow! ....................

Guss- You have a very fine establishment here. I'm proud to say that this is better than dog chow! The chief is gonna be getting a very fine report for you. Thank you for serving me, good bye!

Restaurant Staff- It is better than dog food, it's cat food!

Guss- Ahahahaha!

Once Guss has left the restaurant staff whisper behind their backs.

Restaurant Staff- But really, it is cat food.

-resolute music-

The Spelling Post, Full of Movie References

Each wacky sentence has a spelling word for week 5 underlined. Happy trails!

1. This great Australian country is wonderful! When you flush the toilets, they spin the other way!

2. I'm supposed to be writing about does, but it sounds like dosy, like dosy-doe! So I keep dancing, and I can't finish this sentence---Hold yer partner! Spin around!.........

3. Once upon a time there was an old guy, my grandpa in fact, I was young then, about 10, who used to talk and jabber on and on about the most ridiculous stories. Like one time he told me the story about the 3rd World War, it was the year 143 and my tax credit was short then.............

4. When I first layed my eyes on you I said, "Gorsh! She is a beautiful can o' beans! I bet she'll be a tasty one!"

5. I am a guy of the unusual sorts, like my occupation says: Lunatic.

6. Ooookaaaay! Unit 7, mooooveeee out! What was that Snowflake!? Ya!? Well you're a girl?! Hehehe, that was an original one, don't you think, Colonial Davis? Yes! I do think, you girl!

7. Yes, finally! I have escaped from prison! I'm a fugitive! No one can catch Johny the Pickpocket Mystery! 'Cause that's me! And I'm the Gingerbread man! Er, I mean I'm Johny the Pickpocket Mystery, but I'm fast.

8. Hello, Sir. Have you chosen a selection from our fine menu? Uuu, yes, I'll have the kol-o-maha-rie. The what? The Kolo-o-maha-rie. Oh! The calamari! Fine choice, Sir.

9. James studied the fire extinguisher a few feet away. It was held with a clip that was bolted to the wall. How can I utilize that? James thought.

"It's too late for you Mr.Bond."

"What do you expect from me? Do you expect me to lunge for that fire extinguisher and use it to blow you out of the cargo bay of the plane that is open to the air, even though we are 7,000 feet up?!"

"Clearly not Mr Bond. Or I would have devised a much more stable and predictable way for you do die. I expect you to die Mr.Bond!"

10. "What a magnificant sculputer! I have never seen anything more amazing in my life!"

"It's a grade B, Play-Doh dragon, mom."

11. "Please! Don't robe me, don't take my valuables!"

"Uuu, okay, sure mam, sorry to threaten your life. Have a nice day!"

12. Augg! Please don't do it! But, Indiana, it is customary to our culture to make newcomers eat this bile stuff. Oh, well when you put it that way. Okay!

13. The universe is enormous, Harry. Harry? -Beew, bang, pow!- Oh why did I let young Harry get that Play Station, he loves to play on the Harry Potter game for the 5th book. But the hasn't happened yet, so it is very bad for his mind.

14. "You have been treated to the lap of luxury for far too long, Richy."

"I haven't sat in my father's lap for years! How dare you insult me on false pretences!"

"Exactly the point, my friend."

15. The museum is closed today, my friend. Well have to find ancient bones somewhere else. To the retirement home!

16. What is with this thumbprint!? It's all wrinkly and clear! Ieeuchk! Umm, Chuck, that's plastic wrap.

17. Oh! These friend eggs are wonderful! They smell good too! I bet they taste wonderful! Yum! Oh gosh! My guests always confuse my fried eggs with sulfur! Oh, wait! Sulfur smells like rotten eggs! My eggs must be horrible! But.... oh! That's good sulfur!

18. Look at all those bags in the recycle bin! It's like Suffocation-Mart! Oh, how repulsive! None of these bags have a warning to keep out of hands of small children! I'm gonna tell the 700 Club about that! Oh! How many lives are lost each second to youngins be suffocated by bags!? It must be billions of billions! I'll complain to the safety check people!

I like to talk to you at the end of this stuff, so sing me a song of your worries!

Randomness at Random! #5 Crazy CSAP Test

Hello, Frank. As you know, you are my lawyer. And this message on your answering machine is to you. Good luck.

You little son of a flea bag's, vacuum cleaner's, massage therapist's, daily post!

I think I'll sue you! You little varmint! I'm in prison! That is illegal! You're supposed to keep me from getting into this box, no matter how obvious it is that I robbed that nick-knack store in Vancouver near Niagara falls! Crap! Do you think they heard us? I mean like the cops are listening to this recording.

No, we aren't.

Okay, good. Any way, I'll eat you with an ice cream scooper, you unpasteurised dairy product! I'll sue you for not getting me out of deep, illegal, stupid, Mafia-connected, trouble! I'll get you in here too. And I'll get your house, car, and no.2 Ballpoint Fountain pen I've wanted for so many a year.

-Beep-

Plus, then I'll get rid of you so that my current lawyer, JoeShmoe Frankfurter, can have all the business of realty, I mean legal help, on 4th street for until your building gets bought! Which it won't in this re-crescendo, I mean recession. Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Buuuuuuuuuut, since you are my lawyer, I can't have you sue yourself, because you'll be the defendant. I guess I'll have to pay another lawyer to sue you. And God, heck everyone knows, that I can't afford that. I guess I'll have to compensate my revenge by sending you dog doo. It's cool! They have this great new company called Dog On It! that covers something of your Ex's in dog poo. That's why they call it Dog On It! 'cause that's what they'll say when they see it. But you're my Ex-Lawyer, still, it'll work and get the point across. Look watch what you brush your teeth with. That'd be a cool T.V. series name, X-Lawyer. Anyway, I'll get you, you dish washed, hand blown, crystallized, black and white copied, rubber duck! Even if it's the last thing I do! Ha!

-Please hang up and try your call again. The number you called is disconnected. You may have put in the wrong number. Please hand up and try you call again. The number you called is disconnected. You may have put in the wrong number. Please hang.....-

.................................................................-silent loathing-............................................................................
.........................................

Well kidios! That's our sow , I mean show, for today. Please answer Reflecting On the Topic questions 1-7, and Personal Response. Bye, bye.

Reflecting On the Topic

1. How did this passage make you feel?Why?

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2. Do you think Frank was good or bad? Why?

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3. Do you think the main character was good or bad? Why?

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4. Why do you think the letters were written in a bigger size at the beginning?

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5. Why did the author write the passage?

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6. Why do you think I am asking such stupid questions?

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7. Do you think Stephonie, my spouse, would like a car or a huge ring for our aniversery more?

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8. Why are you answering this question? I told you not to. Are you stupid? If you are reading this, you might as well just answer the questions I just asked.

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Reflecting on the Topic

Have you met a lawyer before? What did you think of him/her? Why?
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(I had to do that him/her thing so as not to appear genderist. Also, I put more lines there to make you feel you should write more even though the question should take the same amount of space the ones above did.)

Do you have a connection to this passage? Why or why not? If so, explain when.

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(In my opinion, you should just say, "No I do not have a connection." See? You don't have to writ as much as you would if you did have a connection. Or if you're a bit cheeky."No I do not have a connection because I am not a loopy wack-job.")

And another fine episode of Randomness at Random goes down the drain.

Randomness at Random! #4 Pool Time Diseases

It was a normal day at the pool when...

Marco!
Polo!
Marco!
Polo!
Marco!
Polio! Oops!
Marco!
Pancreas disease!
What?!
It's Marco, not "what". Geese, you should know that, Carl.

Well, that was a dissapointing episode. Thanks for watchin'! G'night New England!

My Blog is in a Coma

Hello beloved viewers. My blog is undergoing massive re-modeling, so it is in a coma at the moment while I fix it up. Also font verying on posts is regrretable. I'll do my best to keep with this one font now. I'll post another Randomness at Random (R&R) soon too.

Happy sailing on the S.S. Sinkable, (S.S.S), I'll see you next time. T.T.F.N.

Randomnness at Random! Notice & #3 The Forgotten Titles

Notice: Series name change. The name of the series has been changed from Why Do I Try?! to Randomness at Random! So, as this episode, lets say our blessings to all the other title ideas.

-funeral music-

In Fond Memoriam:

Why Do I Try?!

Don't Eat That!

My Pants are Dancing, Again

Shell: May Contain Peanuts

My Cholesterol is Pink

I'm Surrounded by Magical Fairies

Tastes Like a Nickle

Box, my Home

Two Shoes are Not Enough

The Sour Cream and Onion Show

My Eyes Like Sharp Things

and,

Peanut Butter is my Mentor

Thank You for Coming to this very sad upcoming, you may all now grieve silently.

Randomness at Random! #1 Alcoholics Anyone, I Mean Anonymous

Hello and welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. My name is Brad Geralthim and I am an Episcopalian. Wait Alcoholics, Anonymous. Crap.

That was a strange skit. Good bye. Toon in next time for another thrilling, epic story on... Why Do I Try?! Sponsored by the suicide hot line. If you ever feel the urge, just call. Not referring to that urge.

Randomness at Random! #2 Will of Will

Hello Dearest,

This is my will. I am Will WhatzIsName. I am 14. I'm sorry this will is written on a napkin from Burger King, I am not old enough to write this on legal paper. Besides, legal paper is all snooty with its length. It thinks it's better than all the other papers like, graph, construction, and most of all white. Not blue. White paper. Just 'cause it's longer. Well that's an abomination- sorry. That is a matter to deal with later. Anyway my will is unofficial, but I still want to control your lives a bit form beyond the grave. Don't grieve for me. I'm in a better place, with a pool, and, you bet, a swim-up bar. It's just like Hawaii, 80 degrees and sunny. Unlike down there. It's 128 all the time. Poor souls. Anyway, I'll say "hi" to Elvis if you want. But the Purgatory lot. Eesh. It's air conditioned like Wall Greens. Plus they have FAKE plants there. And there are no chairs there. They just got to stand in line with there papers, just like at the airport, or election day, or taxes, or when you get deported, (no personal experience at all senio`r) waiting for there papers to get the ACCEPTED stamp like when you get a loan. Ug! But, as you know we are here for a will for me, Will. I get side-tracked easily. Hey you know how when you say easily it sounds like lily? I should get some for my sweet-heart, Marian. She loves lilies. But...I signed up on the reincarnation slip. I participated in this foreign-religion-exchange Program. I am currently a child of Budah, by law. I've been here for 2 weeks, so legally I'm a Buddhist. But I'm the nineth slot, so I'll probably be back to you soon as an infant, or a bunny rabbit, or a paper-clip, ...or a bug. Please don't step on any bugs for a while. I want to live a little on the wild side before I have to come back here. But.. again this is about who gets my possessions. So whoever showed up gets twenty bucks. And whoever took the time to sit here as you read through my rambling nonsense can divide it up equally among themselves. Have fun with that argument. And last but not least, I leave my Betta fish, Kenneth XII, to whoever I hate the most at this current moment. Have fun feeding the longest living fish in the world, current enemy.

Farewell,
Recipient

P.S. Don't put me in a casket, I'm claustrophobic. (Gosh does Santa freak me out!)
Also, don't get me cremated. I'm not payin' Five thousand dollars for someone to toss me in a fire, then scatter my feet and ears into different parts of the world. I come into the after-life a discombobulated cripple. Plus, I'm have extremely bad allergies. I might sneeze my dust-self all over. You can't take Zertech when you're dead you know. Duh! Just feed me to some cannibals, make good use. Or compost. Throw me in the compost. Let me fertilize your garden. Do some good. Go Planet! And if you go against my first wish of my last wishes, just put "Crap I'm Dead" on my grave marker.

Randomness at Random! Premier!

I will be writing a brief skit every once in a while to entertain you. It is a series called: Why Do I Try?! So check it out! It'll be awesome! I promise! Do you want it in writing?! I promise! See, here, below.

I, -insert name here-, promise to make this series of skits, -insert name of show here-, the awsomenest it can be to the best of my ability.

There, happy?

No?

Then call a therapist.

The Holocaust was Caustly

The following paragraph is not for the light of heart, or the detailed. Please read with caution or tissues.

The Holocaust truly started in Germany January 30, 1933. The heart-shattering task of disposing of Germany's 525,000 Jews began almost immediately thereafter. The Nazi's were to play an important role in what is to come. At the head of this project, was Adolf Hitler.

In 1935, Hitler introduced the Nuremberg, which stripped German Jews of their citizenship and deprived them of all civil rights. On November 9, 1938, with the help of Nazi soldiers, on what is refered to as The Night of Broken Glass, approximately 100 Jewish people were killed and 30,000 were taken to concentration camps. 7,000 Jewish shops were vandalized also. Many other events like this took place until about 1942.

With the help of local authorities the Nazi's set up many concentration camps in the German boarders. In these camps, Jews would be treated poorly until the were killed. The earliest camp was Dachau. There they were tortured and held prisoner, but not killed. Later, most camps were used to exterminate Jews or use them as slaves. Many prisoners were worked to death or (death to the antagonists!) killed out of whim, meaning the soldiers felt that that particular prisoner had lived long enough, so the decided to kill he/she. Most Jews were disposed of by being led into gas chambers by the truck loads. They were robbed of their possessions and led into the gas chambers naked. Most of the time they were told that the large rooms were communal showers. Also stabbed, shot, brutally maimed, or gored in some way or another. (You get the picture) Hitler, had a thought that blond haired and blue eyed people were the best, an Arian Race. Not Arial, which is the font I am using.

A,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,,w,x,y,z! Next time wont you sing with me?! (Sorry, it's too sad for me, so i song children's tunes.) Twinkle, twin- okay fine!

The Holocaust ended near 1945. Hitler died April 30, 1945. The sad era of mass killing is finally over, due to Hitler's death. Yippy!

Now a happy picture!

Just kidding!

Vocab

This is school vocab. It is for three years old. I'm in 6th grade. Hummm...?

Cling-to hold together b: to adhere as if glued firmly c: to hold or hold on tightly or tenaciously.

Superior-of higher rank, quality, or importance.

Insisted-to be emphatic, firm, or resolute about something intended, demanded, or required.

Appreciation-an expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude.

Internment-an advanced student or graduate usually in a professional field (as medicine or teaching) gaining supervised practical experience.

Diplomat- one employed or skilled in diplomacy. The door mat is 'cause of diplo MAT. See, that's catchy. And the guy and gal to the right are thumb wrestling, not shaking hands.

The Kennedies' Children

I like indenting very far. Can't you tell? (sarcasm) So I'm now gunna inform yas about stuff. John F. Kennedy, our very own 33rd president, had 4 children. Arabella Kennedy was born first, Caroline Bouvier Kennedy was the second, John Fitzgerald Kennedy Jr. came third, Patrick Bouvier Kennedy was fourth which were all born from Jackie Kennedy, and last and least (just kidding) was Jack Rodney Worthington II, which J.F.K. had with Mary Worthington.


Arabella Kennedy was born in 1956. She came out stillborn, already dead upon birth. The tragedies this family!


Caroline Bouvier Kennedy was born November 27, 1957. She is the only surviving child from Prez. John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy. After her father was assassinated she moved to the Upper East Side of Manhattan where she lived with her brother and went to elementary school. Later she attended Radcliff College. Once finished with her studies, she started working at The Metropolitan Museum of Art. There she met her husband-to-be, Edmund Schlossberg, who was working as an exhibit designer at the time. Later she went to receive a law degree from Columbia Law School. Caroline then worked for many charities and acted as a politician for a while. She also co-authored two books about civil liberties with Ellen Allderman. In 2008 she supported Barrack Obama in his race for president, and was considered for the open Senate seat in New York, but she backed out for personal reasons. I'm glad she did so well!

John Fitzgerald Kennedy Jr. was born November 25, 1960 in the Georgetown Family Hospital, sixteen days after J.F.K. was elected. During his time in the white house as a child, John Jr. was nick-named------ (Try Henry's Hut, the latest blog here on blogger!) (Sorry, I got payed $20 for that A.D.D., I mean add.) (Also, A.D.H.D. is just high-definition A.D.D.) (And, for St. Jude's Children Hospital, A.D.D. is attention deficit disorder---look a butterfly!)----Sorry, my apologies. As I was saying, was nick-named "John John" when a fast talking reporter accidentally said his name twice. He grew up on the Upper East Side of Manhattan with his sister Caroline Kennedy, after his father's assassination. People Magazine named Kennedy its "Sexiest Man Alive" in 1988 at the age of 27 (the youngest "sexiest man" to date). He is the only person so named who was not a working actor and is the only one who is now deceased. J.F.K. Jr. graduated from Brown University in 1983. After some time in India after college he worked for the New York City Office of Business Development. After he acted a little, as it was a passion of his from acting in high school. Late into 1994 John Jr. met Carolyn Jeanne Bessette after his mother's death. After resisting marriage for a year, Carolyn Bessette married him on September 21, 1996, on Cucumber Island in Georgia. Sadly on July 16, 1999 John Fitzgerald Kennedy Jr. was killed in a plane crash at night along with his wife and mother-in-law, Lauren Bassette. (Excuse me, I need a tissue.)

Patrick Bouvier Kennedy was born August 7, 1963, five and a half weeks early, with a birth weight of four pounds. He was transported to Boston's Childrens' Hospitial immedeatly. Two days later, August 9, 1963, from Hyaline Membrane Disease. Gosh!

Jack Rodney Worthington II was born November 22, 1961, in Maverick Counrty, Texas. Well, apparently this guy isn't very well know for anything, but one major incident that wasn't his doing. Jack Rodney Worthington II (I'm saying that for dramatic affect) claims to be the illegitimate son of John F. Kennedy, our 33 President of the United States. (That was dramatic!)

Well'p! I'll see you next time on Dane's Disaterous Dis-adventure! (Welp means "well yep" not like the person/offensive comment, welp.)

25 Random Things About Me

1. I am very random!

2. I read the book The Sea of Monsters in which the characters refer to Pegasuses as "chicken ponies!!!" You should read it! Especially if you like sheep.

3. I love to play in little, plastic, animal shaped, sand boxes with toy Tonka dump trucks. Those things are just so cool and bring back fond memories!

4. Finding Nemo, The Simpson Movie, and Get Smart are my favorite movies of all time so far. I watched Finding Nemo 22 times, literally.

5. A year ago I made silly clay-mation shorts with Play-Doh. The first one was called Grimmy Goes to Work in which the Grim Reaper gets fired and applys for a job at HP.

6. My favorite fish in all of the sea (or actually aquariums) is Kenneth the XIII or 13th. He's kept in my room in a pile of travel junk so he has stuff to look at. He's very happy and just got his tank cleaned because it had a film on the surface of the water. Yuck!

7. I just learned how to do the Rubik's cube a while ago. Yippy! It's easy once you get the rhythm of it.

8. I love to read books though I never go to the library. Barnes and Noble is my 2nd home.

9. The Seems is my favorite book of all time. It has a great set of characters and a lot of wonderful ideas to go off of. It's a sci-fi crossed with a fantasy.

10. I like to build with Legos. The Ferry is my favorite one! It's huge, complete with drawbridge.

11. I've traveled to six countries in Europe and have been to Hawaii 5 times. Hammocks are fantastic!

12. I climb around in my fascinating ditch behind my house every winter. The walls are all snowy it's very cool, there is even a tree house half way to where it ends! I feel like I'm Indiana Jones.

13. Is my favorite number! It's unlucky which makes that much cooler! Especially when they're Fridays! Which there is one coming up soon too! Joy!

14. I'm attracted to colorful things. I buy lots of the exact same unnecessary thing just because it is in a different neon rainbow color.

15. I love to watch Mr.Bean, a British comedy series by Roan Atkinson. He i s hilarious! Most of it is visual. But ALL of it is pure comedic gold! You should check it out! (Just at the top to the left.)

16. I have 2 cats. Their names are Peat and Charles. Peat is the fattest Mancoon cat in the history of the whole world! Charles is very sweet and follows you everywhere. Plus, when you chase him he gets scared and lays down immediately. Save for the one on the right.

17. I enjoy going sledding in the winter. There is a big hill next to my house that is very convenient for winter activities of the sledding variety. Plus my ditch freezes over and I explore everywhere on it's icy surface. I feel like I'm climbing Everest or K2 because it has a huge snow wall and a ton of cool places to go to.

18. Blankets fascinate me. Also everything fluffy. I like to get all my blankets out of the closet, all of the pillows in the house, and every stuffed animal in my possession, all into one massive redevouse/correlation and make a play out of them. Yep, if you have a spare life, can I have it?

Thank you auto-save for saving , my work every 5 seconds!

19. You'd be surprised about how much I like music and singing it. Happy Together, Olyoxenfree, and Sweet Dreams, are my favorite songs of all time. Plus The Simpson's theme and the Ice Age theme are nice too.

20. Bubble wrap is the best packing material/easily distracted people pass time! All the little pops make fun for hours. The big ones and packing peanuts are nice too.

21. My favorite words to say: Kibble, Kumquat, Viceshious, Mango, Sopapilla, Curly Q, Guatemala, Pickle, Fruit Loop, Wackjob, Nutcase, Giddy, Wiggle, Nifty, Lima Bean, Convenient, fluc-shoo-ate (sp) and Purple. Some that I LOVE are missing 'cause I'm pullin' a blank.

22. We are re-doing our living room right now, so that translates into my love of modern design. I love modern design! It's gonna be really cool, complete with BIG (or it better be) Plasma screen television and secret room. (more like hole)

23. I like to draw. I've drawn a bunch of cute dessert objects with big eyes, a mountain scene that won a contest, and a shrimp on a sticky-note on the wall, so that i can point to the wall and say: "Omygosh, there's a shrimp on the wall!"

24. I used to have 2 guinea pigs. Butterscotch and Fluffy were their names. Fluff had (dare I say it?)
poop ( I said it) problems because her poop got tangled in her long hair. Plus Butterscotch had guinea pig morbidly obeseness. She would be 6 inches around when she walked, then, once she sat down her front would slide to the back and she'd be 10 inches around. (No kidding) They sat and pooped in a corner during "exercise time."

Thanks for listening to 24, if you are reading this. Last, 25, is just below. Sorry it's long.

25. I can't get enough of the outdoors! I love to hike, bike ride, swim, run, and just explore! During Eco Week in Pingree Park I hiked up Mummy pass! It was beautiful! Mountains! Biking is a must for me! I got a new one this year and conquered a steep slope of 15 feet with it! Swimming and running come naturally to me! I love track! I got first in the triple jump out of 25 people with 25.7 feet, and first and second on the 50 and100 meters at the district track meet! Like before, my ditch is a great, adventurous place for me. And last I poggoed 1002, one thousand, two, times on a poggoed stick in California with my younger cousin Tessa! I take great pride in the last one. Better start to beat it! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-12-13-14-15-16-118-19-20.........996-997-998-999-whoops! Crash! Do'h! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9...................................................................

Thank you for reading through this long thing IF you do not know me. If you know me it is understandably proper edicut to read it. It has been a semi-pleasure writing this I hope you enjoyed it. UNLESS you are a friend/family member, then you MUST enjoy it. Bye everyone!

Oh, one last thing, if you are int-er-gent or curious or dumb.

There are 1,091 words on this page.



Including this one.